Beware of hovering Seagull managers

Kipkoech Tanui

There is an ocean bird called seagull and a management style by its name defined by Ken Blanchard’s in his book Leadership and the One Minute Manager. The Seagull Manager, ‘flies in, poops on you and then flies away again’. It is their nature to criticise, offer no solution, because they do not understand what their jobs entail.

According to Changing Minds.Org: "The experience of having a seagull manager is not positive. Whilst they are there, they talk non-stop and actively discourage anyone else from saying anything. This can include avoiding eye contact and continuing to talk over you if you start to say anything."

It adds: "The Seagull Managers like to consider themselves important. However, they also know they do not know that much and fear being exposed by questions or debate. They consequently grab the talking stick and do not stop until they can excuse themselves and leave."

The talking stick

In this confusing season in Kenya, where there are many ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ seagull managers around us, so are there many truths and untruths flying around. They drive or land in a place by chopper, spew some epithets on the Proposed Constitution, offer few solutions to the problems... and off they drive or into the air again.

Those in ‘Yes’ tell you it is a great constitution, speak on generalities on such choice and succulent parts as Devolution, the Bill of Rights, and the powers of Parliament to veto the decisions of a President and to vet his or her appointments and major decisions.

They are ‘Seagull Managers’ because they will tell you how a lying machine is using generalities and high-sounding words in the constitution but will not agree to a face-to-face interview with the ‘Reds’ on live TV.

They will ask you to support the draft law on the basis of merely closing the 20-year (some say 40) search for a new constitution but not tell you what gem is buried for example in the Bill of Rights.

Until last week, ‘Seagull Managers’ in ‘Yes’ were riding on the clouds of complacency — because they underestimated the influence of the Church and forgot ‘No’ is not just about Higher Education Minister William Ruto and Rift Valley.

In their minds those who cut their teeth in YK-92 are forever branded with a dark blemish and are pariahs.

So they went to party even as ‘No’ drew them into a debate on the four areas of the proposed law — land, abortion, Kadhi Courts and shape and size of counties — until the sun was about to set on the debate. Then someone told them they should have focussed on the good and promissory side of the draft.

The last time I checked they were still fumbling for adequate response to ‘No’ because they forgot the war would not just be about the draft, but the differences say between Ruto and Prime Minister Raila Odinga.

Meanwhile the ‘Seagull Managers’ in ‘No’ opened up perception that the draft law would take the country to the throes of Armageddon while ‘Yes’ captains were wrangling over who should not campaign with who, while in the same breath baptising their ‘Greens’ campaign a Government Project.

The lead Seagull Manager in fact put aside ‘civic education’ in Mombasa and turned to ‘preaching’: He told the masses the blood of Jesus was red just like the warm colour symbol of ‘No’.

Greedy fat-cat

He said that, in the same way, the blood of Jesus redeemed the world, so will it chaperon the draft constitution to the dustbin of history. The ‘No’ plant in us many fears: Will it turn our villages into homosexual and lesbian love cove? Did the Committee of Experts get some of the clauses from the Dictaphone of US ambassador Michael Ranneberger, who in turn got his version from President Obama?

Will the State or some greedy fat-cat take up our parent’s small, semi-arid land if the new constitution is passed? Does it seek to license abortion clinics in every street corner as an alternative source of public revenue?

Then the most deceptive; That Kadhi Courts hold the golden key to the spread of Islam in Kenya and stepping stone to nationalised Sharia Law!

I call them ‘No’ Seagull Managers because they go for the emotive issues, laced with gross exaggeration, and have not even bothered to publish the disputed clauses, as they want them to be. They also do not tell you how the draft law would be renegotiated and passed in November, if it is defeated.

Surely, even in the desperate days against the Kanu regime, when the Shadow Opposition Finance Minister (it was then David Mwiraria under Kibaki) would publish a ‘shadow’ Budget to show the country how their proposals would have looked like were they in power!

Lies, lies, lies

But again, Seagull Managers have no time for this, either because it would expose their ignorance, or they have no answer for example to how ‘consensus would be reached on matters MPs themselves came up with over 330 proposed amendments.

I take back that statement.

They have an answer; they said we will defeat it and sit down like brothers and sisters and agree before November. But wherever these Seagull Managers talk, remember the Bosnian saying: "Who lies for you will lie against you".

If Mark Twain was alive he would tell them: "Friends, if we be honest with ourselves, we shall be honest with each other".