Socially, men often feel they have an upper hand in sexual relationships, but that's not how it should be. Psychologist Monica Oyoo emphasises that both partners should have a positive, respectful and pleasurable approach to sex. They should both consent to how sex unfolds and open this discussion in the early phases of courting. According to Monica, sexual wellness is consensual, pleasurable and safe sex, devoid of coercion.
While consent is undeniably serious, it can also carry undertones of arousal after a resounding "yes." This can sound like, "Is this okay?" "Do you like that?" or "I want you."
Monica points out that marital rape is common because spouses mistakenly believe they have an inherent right to sex. This isn't true. In sexually healthy partnerships, no one should feel superior to the other, even within a marriage.
At its core, sexual wellness is about sexual enjoyment. Knowing your own body's pleasure points and those of your partner, while communicating this knowledge, enhances the sexual experience. It involves considering both your partner's well-being and your own, Monica explains.
Still, other elements can impact sexual pleasure, such as negative body image, hormonal changes, and body dissatisfaction, Monica says.
A positive body image, which involves feeling attractive, boosts sex drive, sexual confidence, and overall experiences. Monica stresses that sex shouldn't be painful and recommends seeing a gynaecologist if it is.
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Hormonal changes, particularly for women during the menstrual cycle, menopause, and postpartum, can lower oestrogen production, which aids in vaginal lubrication.
Similarly, lower testosterone production can reduce libido in both men and women, according to Monica. She suggests that couples go for hormonal therapy to boost their libidos and understand each other.
A negative body image can lower sexual confidence, making a person feel they don't deserve their partner or question their sexual prowess. It can also cause emotional discomfort during sex, ultimately lowering libido and the overall experience.
Stress and anxiety can also affect your sex life by reducing your mood for sex and libido. Monica explains that these anxieties can stem from societal conditioning that labels sex as immoral, a feeling of not knowing enough about sex, or pain or trauma from previous sexual experiences. She advocates for dealing with these stereotypes that prevent a person from fully enjoying sex.
"Determine your cause for stress and anxiety and get psychotherapy counselling to improve your attitude towards sex. People can better take care of their sexual health by getting to learn about sex," she advises.
Besides these approaches, Monica adds that partners should go for STI testing as frequently as possible, especially if vaginal discharge is higher than normal, the private parts start to itch, or the urine colour is unclear.
There are also small daily habits that support sexual wellness, such as eating a balanced diet, being physically active, drinking plenty of water for lubrication, practising positive self-talk, and appreciating the little things about your partner and yourself.
"Sexual wellness is about being able to enjoy your sex life and being psychologically prepared for it. A sexually well person has no shame in having pleasurable sex and making decisions about their sex lives.” She concludes.