Hi Chris,
I hate to admit this, but I got a bit too close to a guy at work, and my husband’s hot on my trail. Any minute I’m expecting him to start accusing me.
What do I do when he does?
Caught
Hi Caught!
Start by concentrating on just getting through those first few hours without making matters worse. Try to have the confrontation away from the house if you can. Like a coffee shop where you can have a little privacy. If it has to be at the house, at least insist on not talking in front of the children.
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Try to find out what your husband’s discovered first. Not easy, but saying that you will answer his accusations if he simply tells you what he’s heard rather than giving you some sort of third degree usually works.
Once it’s clear that he knows the basics, own up straight away. Use simple plain language, and say that you really don’t know why you did it, that it was a big mistake, with someone who wasn’t special, and you’ll never do it again. And don’t even think of blaming your husband for what happened!
He may start pressing you for more and more details. And you should give them. But later. So tell him that you will tell him everything but not today. And that while you understand his anger you’d like to go home together, if he can cope with that. Don’t offer to leave the house, and instead say that he can decide the sleeping arrangements for as long as he needs to.
But don’t be surprised if he wants to have sex. It sounds astonishing, but that’s often what a wronged spouse wants most in this situation. So give him the best sex you can.
Be prepared for lots of tears and recriminations, but more likely than not your marriage will survive. So do work hard to help your husband come to terms with what you’ve done. No matter how hard it is, it will be worth it in the long run.
All the best,
Chris