I will not mind were it not that such relationships end up hurting the woman more than the man.
It takes a lot of insecurity on the woman’s part for her to support a loser man. While it is necessary from time to time, the rules of society dictate that a man take initiative in a relationship. If the man does not act like he is in charge, he is obviously in it for the ride. One thing men hate more than nagging women is women who are willing to help them unconditionally over a long a period.
True, we always need help from time to time. We need some financial backing when things are thick on our end. Occasionally, we might explode in fury and land a few fists on her earning her some black eye. And it is only godly to forgive. And if possible defend him. Take the blame for it. Once is OK. Twice is alarming. Thrice, is plain wrong and the man is taking advantage of you.
The thing is, men are proud beings. We don’t like living off a woman. We can allow her to complement our efforts, but absolute living off a woman is not in our DNA. Unless it is a young man kept by cougar, there is no reason a man should be supported by a woman for a long period.
But if that is the arrangement two adults settle for, I have no qualms. What I am opposed to are women who defend such men to the point of lying to their family and friends that the man fends for the couple. It is wrong. More annoyingly are those who stay in abusive relationships, suffering in silence, portraying a picture of success as they ruin their physical and emotional health.
And abuse is not just physical. Any man who holds a woman down, keeps her from reaching her ambitions is just abusive. I am talking about women who are forced to be housewives as the man fend for the family. If voluntary, I am fine. But there are thousands of women who are forced and that is plain wrong. To make matters worse, these women will try to justify the actions of their men in the hope of a blissful union. Often, such unions come apart. When not coming apart, life gets sucked out of such women so bad, they will be zombies by the age of 40. I will remind women that men can be selfish. Very. While compromise is an essential component in relationships, one should not compromise to the point they become doormats. It is like making your bed, that you must lay on. So if you are reading this, and you have been defending a loser, stop it. He will leave you. Or if married will make your life permanently miserable. Make the right choice. If he is abusive, leave him. If he does not to get off the couch and go make his money, support him, but briefly. Otherwise, you will regret it.
Whatever you do, never lie to protect him. He will end up abusing the privilege to your detriment.
@nyanchwani
snyanchwani@standardmedia.co.ke