You really wish Carol was bluffing with the counseling suggestion, but she was dead serious. You blame it on her new pastor. After several debates and arguments and what not, you give in for a counseling session, where you pay through the nose.
You feel like a school boy going to the Guidance and Counseling office after a suspension. As you arrive at the parking lot of the counselor in an upmarket residential area, you are wondering how fast your life went South. You never imagined that you may need the services of a counselor.
You enter his office and the counselor is a diminutive, bespectacled manner who speaks in fluent, rehearsed English. He is good in PR, but you have been through his kind of bullshit, but now you have to act.
You go into a conference room, where you sit on either side of the table and he sits on the centre, like a chairperson of a committee would. He has this smarmy face that can be mistaken to be warm or reassuring, but you want to scream, you are a fraud.
He makes brief introductory remarks, and lays the ground rules of engagement and you feel like you'd rather be swimming in a sea of ants than go through the session.
"Here is the paper, write down the things you dislike the most about her," he hands you the paper and an ink pen. He does the same for her. Both of you hesitate but shortly Carol takes to it like a girl in an exam room would if she discovers it is the easiest exam.
You a bit passive aggressive but since you want to be out of the place you think of things to write: Carol being moody always. Carol bringing to a counselor when you have been married for less than two years. Carol, making sleep on the couch when you arrive home as early as 2am Carol never cooking you your favourite dish.
But instead you simply say, Carol never communicates her feelings, and you don't approve of her choice of church. It is turning her into a zealot. You can as well as say it here.
Carol of course goes for drinking sprees. You poor spending habits and inability to save even a coin. Also, she thinks you hang out with dangerous crowds. And that makes you sad.
When the counselor looks at it, you can notice he is used to such pettiness and what he is about to tell you. He again gives you a paper and asks you to list the things you like about each other. You decide to be generous. But Carol again decides to be very mean, and virtually writes nothing, except, "he can be sweet when he wants to be."
The counselor then takes time to examine the things you have said about each other. And ventures into generalities. Everything comes your way. The necessity of sharing a meal, the need of being cooperative, the need to be financially transparent (wish he directed that more to Carol), the need to be disciplined and live like an adult.
He decides you are the guilt party and summons you to a one-on-one two sessions and see if it can be helpful. He also admonishes Carol to learn to communicate better.
So, next week, you will meet him and you will tell him to come slow.