Being close and emotionally intimate is as important as sex [Courtesy]

Hi Chris,

I have been married for five years, and on the whole, we have gotten along fine. We are still sexy together, which I value a lot, but somehow we are not as close as we once were.

I guess this is partly because of our busy lives because we’re always in such a rush. But I also sense that we are just not putting as much effort into our relationship as we should. Any pointers?

Getting Closer

Chris says,

Hi Getting Closer!

Being close and emotionally intimate is as important as sex. Therefore, you do need to continuously build the connection between the two of you. You can start by going to bed at the same time. Or spend the last few minutes before bedtime together on the sofa, just chatting over a late-night snack. You do not have to make out, but the closeness will do wonders for your relationship.

Cuddle a little as you settle down to sleep, and kiss goodnight as part of your routine; instead of just rolling over, or coming to bed hours apart. You can never say “I love you” too much, so long as you mean it. You can also express your love by telling your husband how great he is, so that he feels good, and admired. So whenever he does something good, say so! Or take over one of his chores from time to time, whether it is washing the dishes or whatever.

He will notice, and start to do the same for you in return. Show that you care about each other’s health, and admit when you are wrong. Do complement each other in front of your family and friends. You won’t always agree, of course, but never differ with each other in front of others, no matter how much one of you is in the wrong. Then you will both feel you are a team, and that you always stick up for one another. Listening to each other says that you care about each other’s feelings.

So consciously give each other your undivided attention, whenever it is needed. And make the most of your time together. So even when you are relaxing, be fully aware of each other. Eat together whenever you can. Talk about your day and share your thoughts. Make meals something special. Try new food, new restaurant and new recipes.

It sounds like such a small thing, but every little novelty adds excitement to the way you feel about each other. Even the smallest gestures mean a lot, so give each other a hug, or a kind word whenever it is needed. Then you will always know you are each other’s number one priority. And the two of you will grow steadily closer.

All the best,