I am a married man and in my early 20s. Though I am born-again, I have fallen in love with this campus girl who is also in her 20s. This relationship has cost me a lot. I chased away my wife because of her, I have differed with my parents because of her, I have spent almost all my money and wealth on her, yet she does not love me. She confronts other women telling them to keep off because she is my official mpango wa kando (mistress). I love her to death and I’m confused and hurting. Please help...
Elly
Your take:
Elly, how can you say you are born-again yet you have chased away your wife for a campus girl? Read your Bible well, there’s a verse that says: "what God has put together let no one can put asunder". Reconcile with your wife as soon as possible.
{Kamau Beka — Mumias}
Being born-again, you may find these Bible verses useful.
Luke 16:18: "…anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery.
Mathew 19.6: "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."
Proverbs 5:18: "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth."
On that spiritual note, please go back to your wife.
{Pastor Owak}
What you did to your wife is not fair. Please go back to her and apologise for your wrongdoing. She is the one you made vows to. Do not commit to this campus girl because she does not even love you.
{Gerald, Mbita}
Elly, be warned that some women are just out to confuse men. This campus girl is simply a gold-digger. Her agenda is to misuse your money and destroy your marriage.
{Lukah Kiprop Kimutai - Eldoret}
As a born-again Christian who is married, you should not pursue another woman. Watch your actions because HIV is real. Marriage is a sacred institution — do not mess with it.
{Tasma Charles}
The fact that you know this relationship has no future and you still go ahead with it proves that you are confused. Sober up before it is too late. Just forget about this campus girl and ask your wife for forgiveness.
{Ambrose Maina}
This girl may be using you to get upkeep and will leave you penniless. Watch out because some campus girls are just after money and not love. What you feel for this girl is nothing but lust. Listen to your parents’ advice and go back to your wife.
{Felix, Oyugis}
It is quite obvious that this campus girl is materialistic. First, you cannot use your money to win her love.
Second, there must be something wrong with her that even makes your parents disapprove of the relationship. So, end this union and look for someone who loves you unconditionally.
{Oyoo Wycklife, Akala}
Elly, you are fighting a losing battle. Go back to your ‘real love’ — the one you promised to love and cherish in good and bad times. Nothing good will ever come out of a mpango wa kando (mistress).
{Charles Opil}
Giving a woman your wealth is not the way to demonstrate your love for her. Sober up. It doesn’t matter how much you have spent on her, walk away before it is too late. Go to your pastor and seek his or her counsel.
{Ogara George}
If you are born-again and have a mpango wa kando, you need deliverance from lust! Isaiah 55:2 says:"Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labour on what does not satisfy?"
{Kilo wa Mutua}
My take:
Life’s greatest lessons
Elly, I will give you some life-saving lessons.
First, it is not a wise move for a man in his early 20s to get married.
Get me right; marriage is a nice and important step in one’s life but plunging in it in your early 20s is a bit premature.
You are already married so let’s not dwell on that.
Here are a few lessons on how to deal with a mpango wa kando.
Lesson 1: Get your priorities right
A man has to have his priorities clearly defined.
As a married man, family —your wife and children — always come first. This is not negotiable.
From the very start, the mpango wa kando should know your status and it should be clear that your relationship with her continues only as long as she respects your family.
In such illicit relationships, smart men lay down the terms and conditions from the onset of the union.
Family is first, mistress second — period!
Lesson 2: Last in, first out
Logically, you don’t sell your car simply because the rear light is problematic and too expensive to maintain.
This is exactly what you did. In supplies management, the principle usually is ‘first in first out’, but you are dealing with women, not supplies.
If anyone had to take their hat off the ring, it should not have been you or your wife.
It wouldn’t matter if you had impregnated the mpango wa kando with twins, the lesson here is that you should not take up other people’s problems — you have enough of your own.
Lesson 3: squandering your money
I believe you love this mistress, but spending all your money and wealth on her is simply vanity.
Your mistress is only in love with your money.
If you were to go broke, the only person who would stand by you is your wife.
The mpango wa kando would take off immediately.
Your resources should be apportioned appropriately with the lion’s share going to your family and the remainder to the mpango wa kando .
On that note, get your wife back immediately and severe links with the spoiler.
{Taurus}