After getting several ‘I am thankful for you’ messages from friends who reside abroad last week during the American Thanksgiving Day holiday, I decided to play it forward to my friends. Incidentally, this fell in line with one of the things I had said I was going to work on for the rest of this year – becoming a better connector.
Discomfort
When I speak with my friends, I notice that many of us find it difficult to turn personal friendships into professional ones, especially if they entail asking for something. In the same way that we often shy away from borrowing money from friends, we experience some discomfort with asking for introductions or business. But there’s a way that feels less gross and that doesn’t leave us feeling uncomfortable if the answer is a ‘no’.
The how-to
One of the ways I have heard often quoted is simply saying ‘I value our friendship and I’m looking for some insights into X or Y. Are you open to having a chat?’.
This allows the other party to determine whether they want to engage on this different level or not, and it allows them to prepare for the chat in terms of what they can or cannot offer. Avoid making your friend feel as if it is their duty or obligation to lend assistance to you.
Give back
As you make requests, be open to giving. Each of us has something unique and which can be of benefit to the other person, so make sure you express your willingness to be of assistance in any way you can. Unsolicited feedback is also very important.
Sometimes we do not know how to ask for feedback. If you see someone in their element, make sure you approach them and specifically tell them what you think they have going for them which is special or a trait you admire in them.
Communicate with clarity
When reaching out to a friend for help, do it with as much clarity as you can so he/she knows exactly what outcome you are looking for. It will encourage them to be direct with you too and cut out misunderstandings.