For partners to be emotionally close, a relationship should feel safe. According to psychologist Hellen Staula, emotional safety means having the confidence to freely express one’s thoughts, feelings, expectations, fears and needs.
In such a relationship, partners do not fear being judged, ridiculed, rejected, abandoned or punished for being vulnerable.
She suggests that the first step for couples is to practise openness and honesty. They should express themselves respectfully, respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively and make a conscious effort to meet each other’s emotional needs.
“People are more likely to feel emotionally secure when their partner listens with empathy, communicates honestly and treats them with respect,” she says.
Hellen recommends active listening, like paying attention to what is left unsaid. Respectful conversations; acknowledging a partner’s emotions; asking questions without judgement; being calm; and making each other feel valued all help strengthen emotional safety.
Emotional safety, she explains, makes people more willing to share their fears, insecurities and disappointments. When partners feel genuinely accepted, respected and connected, they are more relaxed and affectionate, strengthening bonds and supporting healthier physical intimacy.
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“Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but a healthy relationship provides a safe space in which problems can be discussed and resolved constructively,” she says.
During disagreements, partners need to see that anger or frustration doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of love or commitment.
She advises couples to address difficult conversations openly, resolve conflicts respectfully and avoid insults, interruptions, or reminders of past mistakes and weaknesses.
On the other hand, dishonesty, poor listening, disrespect, constant criticism, dismissing a partner’s emotions, manipulation, repeated betrayal, silent treatment, uncontrolled anger, defensiveness and intentionally doing things that hurt or upset a partner can affect trust and security.
“Rebuilding emotional safety needs the partner who caused the hurt to acknowledge their actions, take full responsibility, express genuine remorse and consistently demonstrate a willingness to reconcile and rebuild trust,” she advises.