Complexities of dating career women

Career women tend to date later in life. This exposes them to certain challenges, writes ANTHONY KAGIRI

A while ago, remembering her birthday, buying her gifts and sounding confident were a head start to winning a lady. A dinner date was a priced treat longed for by many women. These made a man a player in love.

Fast forward to the 21st Century and the modern woman has raised the bar on what impresses her. While a man who provides for his woman is admired, he is considered average by the career woman, if that is all he is.

With most women achieving as much as men, the game has changed and it now requires more than a charming man to win her. The modern woman is rising up the corporate ladder, succeeding in business and now has as much money, if not more, than many men.

The treats, swag and the ‘I am rich’ image no longer count and only impresses teenagers and girls in college.

The modern career woman, therefore, is looking for commitment, security and a life partner in all spheres. This new benchmark, however, has come with its challenges. The career woman takes longer to settle down, which narrows down the list of eligible men even as her standards rise. 

When a woman gets to her late 20s and early 30s and has made a mark in her career, she is not ready to date for years, hoping that one day the relationship will transform into a marriage.

“At my age and career position, I’m no longer the 20-year-old college girl who was once impressed by high life. I’m also not growing younger, so I want to secure my future now,” says Sarah Jim, 30, who recently dumped her boyfriend of five years.

Although he would call Sarah daily, take her out to expensive dinner dates and showered her with gifts, he was not making any commitment or showing intentions to commit.

Actions

“He had been promising to take me to his folks for the last three years, but every time we planned, something came up on his end. I just got tired,” says Sarah.

Often, the modern woman is falling prey to men who are not in a hurry to commit and are out to have fun.

“Men reveal themselves in their efforts. Their words don’t mean a thing,” says Evan Marc, a relationship coach.

Marc advises career women to slow down and pay attention to how their man is behaving. He argues that women should not continue giving themselves to men who are not ready to commit.

“If he is not committing, confront him or move on without him. Don’t keep acting like his wife, taking care of his needs while all he does is have fun and say nothing concerning your future,” says Marc.

Other than commitment, another risk facing the modern woman is the desire for a man with ‘realisable potential’. Days of being just a provider are gone and so are the days of talking big dreams. The modern woman desires to see success, albeit progressively, and not to be promised that it will come some day. She is looking for an achiever who will equal her achievement or better, surpass it.

“It’s impossible not to think of marriage with him, because an achiever offers financial security,” says Dr Tracy Cabot, a relationship expert.

Big dreams no longer win a woman, but achievement of these does.

“Love is not enough. I need a man who I will be proud to present to my friends and family,” says Jane Munyiri, who runs a successful fashion company. She says she is yet to find that kind of man.

The woman achiever is not just looking for a companion in the house, but a companion in career or business too. A man who proves to be a partner in business and career is more attractive to the modern woman.

A woman will be more impressed by a man taking an MBA than one just comfortable with a ‘good’ job. That explains the high number of academic romance especially among those attending evening classes.

“We met at an MBA class and after interacting, we discovered we shared a passion in business. There our human resource consultancy business was born,” says Joyce Muthoni, who runs a business with her fiancé, John Kimutai. They are now planning their wedding.

However, Dr Tracy warns that men achievers are likely to get lost in the pursuit of wealth and forget affection and romance, which are critical to a woman.

“If you try to get him away from his work, he will only make you feel tacky and small,” says Dr Tracy.

Women achievers, therefore, need to balance between their desire for achievement and affection to their men especially in dating.

When marrying an achiever, the two must give priority to growing and spicing up their relationship.