Amendments to Marriage Bill could add spark to institution

By Denise Kodhe

Kenya: Marriage Bill waiting to be tabled in parliament for debate by parliamentarians has drawn mixed reactions from legislators and the general public.

While most women seem to be in support of the Bill and are seeing it as a reprieve to myriad of problems threatening the institution of marriage today, men on the hand see it as a legislation with long-term implications to marriages.

Several amendments are likely to be proposed by parliamentarians during the discussion of the Bill. Many women fear that since Parliament is dominated by male parliamentarians the Bill is likely to be thrown out or severely mutilated thus making it meaningless.

Issues such as property ownership, inheritance from family’s polygamy and monogamy cannot be issues for legislation through Acts and Bills. Marriage is a two-people affair, who agrees to come together through love and live together to have family. It is that love if it that love that must be genuine and strong to form the foundation of peaceful and happy living among couples.

It is no longer secret that the institution of marriage is having serious problems and issues. It has been infiltrated by influences such as cultural and generational bugs thus reducing it just to a mere union or a means to security or a source of livelihood.

Marriage whether Christian or traditional is a marriage and has strong connotation. Marriage as an institution has its own practices and norms which makes it different and unique from just having an affair, relationship or being friends.

In the olden days marriage was a qualification to life in the sense that it was seen as a step to maintaining family order. It was always special to get married. It was a kind of maturity, success and epitome for boys and girls who had reached a certain age in life ready to start family.

These days marriage has become so casual that it no longer taken serious. Couples are going for material things in the name of marriage. Come-we-stay has become the order of the day. Young people no longer take marriage seriously and therefore has made to it loose strong foundation backed by family as it used to be before.

Reasons for divorce and separation comprises of very flimsy issues that can easily be addressed by couples if they are truly serious about keeping the marriage. Irresponsibility, unfaithfulness, satisfaction and what have you are just excuses and weaknesses that can be corrected by understanding couples.

Some observers are suggesting that the Marriage Bill should be amended to make it contractual with terms of contract clearly spelt out to cover issues such as when and how to terminate the contract if it is not working and how to behave as couples.

Others argue that contractual marriages alone are not enough. Couples should be educated, guided and counseled to understand the importance of marriage and why it is important to safe guard and protect it a stage in life

Further the terms of contract should include clauses like when to have children, how many and responsibilities assigned to each couple and how to solve marital disputes.

Extra-marital affairs

Many marriages today are ether in the brink of breaking up or are simply surviving because of children.

Listening to talk shows in the media most of the time both men and women are complaining openly about each other disclosing illicit extra-marital affairs by other partners who are not their husbands or wives.

Issues such as not being satisfied, irresponsibility and having extra-marital affairs dominates the talks shows as couples complain and accuse each other.

Husbands are accusing their wives of being too demanding, over influenced by western cultures and being unfaithful among other issues. A recent study showed married women are leading in conducting and procuring illegal abortions citing various reasons. Many marriages are on the brink of break-up and simply surviving because of the children.

Couples have come out publicly  denouncing their partners saying that they are no longer attracted to each other to the extent that they  no longer  share matrimonial beds.

Just enacting a Bill to control the institution of marriage and more so to satisfy women’s ego and interest is no solution to the problem that has hit the institution hard and is spreading like bushfire engulfing marriages.

Parliamentarians and the public should discuss the Marriage Bill properly, openly and soberly for the purpose of achieving long-term solutions threatening the institution.

Parents are worried because their children are no longer getting married.  Just like in Japan where young people fear getting involved with each other because of the cost in terms of maintenance and general upkeep, young women and men in Kenya are scared of uniting because of what they see and hear happening to their families, friends and other couples around them.

Others argue that there is no longer love. It is all about wealth and material things that is determining marriages. Marriage is supposed to be sweet, fun and enjoyable but not hurting painful and scaring. 

Writer is Executive Director, Institute for Democracy & Leadership in Africa- IDEA.