What is your self-worth?

By James Gitau

Some psychologists say more than 80 per cent of people suffer low self-esteem but are not even aware of it, and this could be preventing them from achieving their dreams.

In some cases, one could appear successful outwardly, yet be unhappy and unfulfilled inwardly.

For many years, I was one of the 80 per cent but oblivious of it. Outwardly, I seemed successful and happy. I surrounded myself with material things — expensive cars and houses — and indulged in the pleasures of the world, thinking these would make me happy.

However, inwardly, I remained an emotional wreck who was defensive, quick to anger and emotionally disturbed. It was only when I got into the field of personal development that I started to realise that many of the challenges I experienced were as a result of low self-esteem.

What is self-esteem and why is there so much fuss about it?

Self-esteem reflects a person’s overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude towards the self.

A person with a negative self-perception is said to have a low self-esteem. This attitude could sabotage relationships, health, career, spirituality, business and finances.

Since low self-esteem has been associated with stigma, just like mental ailments or sexually transmitted diseases, most people live in denial, and, thus, continue to suffer.

It is important to perform an honest self-evaluation and seek help as low self-esteem can lead to a miserable life or even self-destruction.

Symptoms of low self esteem

1. Defensiveness

Do you feel that you have to constantly defend yourself, your position or opinion? Sometimes it could be by way of unnecessarily lengthy explanations of minor things.

Do you get upset or even angry if the other person does not buy your opinion? Do you feel like you are being criticised when someone faults you? Do you find it hard to accept a mistake and apologise? Do you offer excuses and blame others? An example would be blaming the traffic for chronic lateness.

2. Need for approval

Do you constantly seek approval from your boss, colleagues, spouse, friends, children or parents? You have had your hair done and he does not notice; are you disappointed? For the men, do you expect people to be wowed by your new phone or car?

Do you find yourself talking about your accomplishments even when nobody has solicited the information? Do you find yourself exaggerating your achievements? Are you disappointed or even angry when people do not recognise your status?

3. Poor relationships

Do you find yourself being hypersensitive, easily getting hurt, and having poor communication and frequent misunderstandings? Do you sulk over minor disagreements? Do you find it hard to have a healthy and lasting relationship?

4. Promiscuous behaviour

Do have poor morals? Do you feel the need for sexual conquests and keeping count? Do you feel sexually inadequate or unattractive but sleeping around makes you feel good in the short-term? When you have a fight with your intimate partner, do feel unloved and the need to punish him or her by sleeping with someone else?

5. Alcohol and other forms of distraction

Do you find yourself drinking alcohol a lot or engaging in other forms of intoxication? Do you have an eating disorder such as eating lots of sweet stuff, especially when unhappy or stressed? Do you feel the need to have a drink when you are stressed out or when you have to face a stressful situation?

6. Perfectionist tendencies

Do you pride yourself on being a perfectionist? Do you feel agitated when things are not placed ‘perfectly’ in their place? Do you keep noting fault in what others have done?  Do you demand that others do things your way or hit the highway?

7. Lack of confidence

When faced with a challenge, do you feel like you cannot manage? Do you keep having doubts in your abilities to succeed financially, career wise or even in marriage?

If you want to be more successful and fulfilled in life, you may want to answer these questions truthfully and be courageous enough to seek help if you have symptoms of low self-esteem.

Do not worry about the stigma; you are not alone. And it is not your fault, as you will see in next week’s article on the causes of low self-esteem.