Much as Kenyans talk virulently against appropriating things that don’t belong to them, PETER NDORIA looks at how, beyond the lip service, we treat everyday pilferage as a normal, expected and even heroic way of life

Victor was a keen coin and stamp collector in his high school years and liked to show off his collections. One time, he flaunted this to a their houseboy. That was a big mistake, because when he came back from his school holidays the next term, he found that the house help had been fired and his coin and stamp collection missing. Of what use would they be, he wondered, since the coins were worthless.

“Most of them were old European coins dating many years back, longer than the introduction of the Euro. They were of no use or value to him. He just stole them to steal something,” recounts Victor, who gave up the hobby out of frustration after the incident.

Stealing worthless things

It was not the last time that Victor would lose his possession needlessly to petty pilfers. Years later, he was to lose a commemorative glass plaque that he had been given in a conference he had attended, which was rather pointless in his opinion because the plaque bore his name and would be of no use to the cleaning woman who had taken it.

Pilfering for the sake of it is not unheard of in a country that ironically has been waxing lyrical about fighting corruption for decades now. We all like talking about how bad it is to steal from the people yet find it harmless to pocket a few things here and there.

When a truck carrying fuel overturns, we first dash for containers to siphon the fuel — never mind that we have no idea whom we are going to sell the fuel we are risking our lives for.

Nicking trivial things

Nicking trivial things is a way of life for many; it is almost a culture. A local comedy show on TV amply brought this out when they staged one of their ‘caught unawares’ segments. In it, a person posing as blind would request an unsuspecting passer-by for help in crossing the road. Just as they got to the other side another man would ‘accidentally’ drop a heavy wad of notes, at the feet of the blind man.

Whereas many of the unwary passers-by were graciously willing to help the ‘blind’ man cross the road, they turned hostile on seeing the money... one actually violently pushed the hapless man away, lest he steps on the money! Only one of the sampled people took the money and gave it back to the owner.

All sorts of excuses have been advanced to justify this, like poverty. If you are in a matatu and the conductor forgets to charge you, we interpret that as good luck.

On the contrary, if you are given excess balance at the shops or see the person in front of you drop some money and you return it, many will deem you stupid.

However, if you have been working in a senior government position and don’t become stinking rich before you retire, people in your village will probably sneer at you and wonder why you ‘never made something for yourself’ during your time in the position of influence.

A former hotel manager, for example, remembers his days managing a key hotel chain in the 1980s and how some of the senior managers would come with pickups to take wheelbarrows used by gardeners home, just to have some for their own.
Stealing from the workplace is so commonplace that it is considered a deserved task. Even if you are a cleaner, it is expected that you will help your family by supplying them with utilities like detergent, toilet paper and brooms, of course liberally taken from your employer. If you are a librarian and your child is sent home because they do not have books, it can only mean you are unschooled.

Risky business

For those who open businesses, it is prudent to factor in loss to wily employees as part of your risks. If you are operating a salon, be prepared to have your hair lotions and oils stolen or, worse, the salonist you employ will use your premises to run her own business. When she makes enough money, she will go with your clientele and set up shop elsewhere. If you have trucks, the first thing your drivers will routinely do is siphon off fuel to sell.

Kitheka operates a butchery where he stocks and sells meat bought with his own money to generate income alongside that of the butchery owner. He considers this to be his side-job, never mind that he is leeching on his employer.

Unapologetically, he says that the mdosi (owner) does not need the money as much as he does since he has children to take to school.

“Lazima mzae aumizwe, kwa sababu usipojichanua kama saa hii uko na hii chance, hutawahi jikamua” (The old man must be taken advantage of because if I don’t take advantage of this chance, I will never make it).

Those who are left to run bars are also known to stock their own drinks; it is not uncommon to see many patrons in your bar only to come across long tales and little money when you look at the books of account the following day.

Notorious crews

The most notorious employees in this art of half-truths are matatu crews. A matatu owner experienced this first-hand when he was once called by his crew and told to send money from his phone because police had arrested them even before starting the day’s business. The phone was even given to a ‘police officer’ who talked to him and told him to hurry things up. After parting with the money, the crew reportedly spent the remainder of the day following up with the officers at the station and, therefore, did not do any work that day; there were no earnings, which is what they told the owner.

He was to later learn that it was a huge rip-off when a friend unwittingly mentioned that they had hired his matatu to go to Matuu on the material day for a funeral; so not only was he duped to part with the money for the ‘police officer’, but he was

shaved off the day’s remittances.

To others, pilferage is some form of conquest. In his university days several years back, David would participate actively in the strikes that were a common way of expression back then. Amidst all the stone throwing and road blocking, there were those students who stole stuff like street signs and buildings signs. Metal plates outside banks and similar institutions, indicating hours of business, were particularly popular. In one case, David remembers a student who somehow managed to take a street light back to the halls of residence. Unabashedly, these objects were usually put on display in rooms, like medals of conquest.

Disappearing items

Antony also experienced this and tells of how a leading five-star hotel in town became so exasperated with the disappearance of mugs from their restaurant whenever the students from a nearby varsity visited that they branded their mugs with the hotel’s name preceded by the phrase ‘Stolen from’. These were to be used to serve the students whenever they visited.

“The thinking was that no one would steal a mug that shows the mug was stolen and gives the name of where it was stolen from. On the contrary, these mugs became very popular with the students with each student seeking to have the ‘Stolen’ mugs as some rite of passage,” recalls Antony.

The incidence is not unique because many a campus room was furnished with mugs, bottles and glasses ‘acquired’ from nearby hotels and bars.

“At times it is done just for the sake of it; things like salt and salt-shakers are easy to just carry with you for future use, much as you can afford to buy them,” says Daniel Mungai, an IT student at a private university.

Since they have handbags that are rarely searched, young women are good in ferrying these objects. Stella Wanjiru recalls how she had several ashtrays in her campus room, although she is not a smoker, because she just ‘enjoyed’ collecting them.

Some clubs would use huge ashtrays hoping to make it hard to steal and stash them in handbags, but somehow she would still manage to take them with her.

Too ‘organised’

Still, her antics pale in comparison to Christine. A couple of years back, a man a bit older than her invited her for a date. When she came back from the rendezvous, she talked about the man being ‘too organised’. She went on and on about how, for a bachelor, he was doing rather too well.

“Let me show you,” she said, before reaching out into her bag to remove beautiful cutlery — several gleaming spoons, knives and forks — that she had taken from the man’s house

“Imagine he had two drawers full of these things? Even my mother does not have so many spoons! Why would a single man need such things? What does he do with them?” She asked nonchalantly, explaining why she did not consider it theft to take those things...

Incidentally, her friend understood her actions; they were both in agreement that such men are not good to date because there is nothing to improve in their houses. Such irony coming from someone who has literally responded to a friendly invite by an admittedly mature man, by stealing his expensive cutlery.