I'm scared of moving in with him (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

We’ve been going out for a while now, and we even keep toothbrushes in each of our homes. So I’m wondering about living together. But it seems so scary! Am I just having butterflies, or is moving in a step too soon?

Scared

Chris says,

Hi, Scared!

Moving in together is scary! But it’s also fun and romantic. For many, it’s just the next step in the relationship, but you still need to think things through.

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Only do it if you’re both on the same page and committed to each other. The danger is that one of you will see moving in together as a step towards marriage, while the other will see it as postponing commitment.

So don’t move in before you’ve checked that your expectations are the same. Don’t make assumptions, have the conversation. And if it’s uncomfortable, you’re not ready. Don’t move in together to get him to propose. Or if the relationship is bad. Moving in won’t change that.

Because moving in together isn’t as easy as it sounds. For example, do you trust each other? Can you talk about anything? Have you ever had a really big fight? You need to have learned how to deal with conflict before you’re together 24/7.

You’ll need to be completely open about money and how you’re going to share the rent, bills, and food. The same goes for housework, especially if you have different tidiness habits!

Living together also means putting up with each other’s TV habits, dirty clothes, toiletries and cooking skills. It helps if you’re already spending most nights together. But if you ever find yourself looking forward to sleeping alone, don’t move in.

You should still be independent when you’re living together, but you’ll have someone to think about when you’re making plans. So learn how to balance each other’s needs before you move in.

And even if everything feels right, you’ll still need time to settle in. For example, it’s only when you’re together every night that you realise your sex drives don’t match.

But once you’ve settled in, living together can be bliss.

All the best,

Chris