Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is allure. It can mean being found attractive by many people without seeking it, or being desired by just one person, which can feel complete in itself.
According to consultant psychologist James Bosse, some people find sexual magnetism lies in empathy and emotional presence, while others find it lies in confidence. Some people find it attractive when someone is assertive about what they want, while others find self-awareness attractive.
Most of the time, it is developed rather than innate. However, what is innate is the natural physical appeal you radiate.
An aspect that people feel is magnetic is authenticity, as being genuine keeps couples closer and strengthens intimacy.
In this sense, he says that sexual magnetism can be developed through self-reflection, knowing who you are, understanding your worth, and self-affirmation. Being aware of yourself makes you feel more attractive and secure, and in turn, attracts like-minded people.
Confidence can create attraction, although James says that it can be combined with other qualities, such as emotional availability, empathy, and being in tune with your partner.
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Emotional intelligence, he says, influences sexual allure through the way someone expresses understanding and keeps their partner feeling safe. It is in how open and comfortable someone is in their partner’s presence, even when naked.
“How a partner feels around you reflects your emotional intelligence,” says James.
Vulnerability builds trust and helps partners understand you, although if overdone, it reduces attraction. He warns that too much vulnerability can create dependence, and a partner may manipulate it.
“Vulnerability should be expressed with confidence,” he advises.
Curiosity and intellect can also enhance sexual appeal to some people, as it interprets interest. It also provides stimulation and gives your lover room to engage you more.
Personality traits like humour and playfulness influence attraction depending on the partner. Humour conveys intelligence, while playfulness makes a situation less serious.
James believes that sexual magnetism can exist without physical attractiveness, such as the voice, communication style, body language, grounded movements, relaxed postures, empathy, emotional intelligence, and financial stability, all of which make one desirable.