Two years ago, a neighbor lost her mother. Besides being an emotionally draining time, loss leaves one financially dry. After the funeral arrangements are over, the bereaved take time to get back to the usual financial stability. It can take years.
Like many children who lose their parents, my neighbor wanted to give the mother a memorable send-off. Unfortunately, this bordered on exorbitance.
For example, the coffin was budgeted at Sh100,000, family uniform (yes that is the modern matanga tradition) hit Sh120,000 while the mother’s burial dress was a glamorous affair that cost Sh35,000, among other costly undertakings.
“Friends helped raise money. But at the end of the day, the amount did not meet our expectations and each of us had to dig deeper into our pockets to fill the gap,” she told me recently.
The family was not ready to review the budget downwards. It was their mother, the children argued, and they had to give her the best farewell ever.
Mourners were fed and for a while they praised the ceremony before another prominent person died in the village and they moved on to other things; other comparisons.
My neighbor says funerals are very expensive and if you are not careful and prudent as you plan, you may end up indebted like it happened to her. She says when you lose someone so close to you, you assume that people feel your pain and will contribute money in relation to that pain.
When starting off planning, bring the family together. Find out what each family member is able to contribute and use this figure plus 20 per cent of the sum as expected top up from friends to plan the ceremony.
As you budget, check areas where you can reduce costs.
Instead of buying a new expensive dress for the deceased, check their wardrobe for something new they had no time to wear.
Also, instead of asking villagers to cook for guests (mourners), hire a caterer. This can be slightly more expensive but in the long run it is cheaper. This is because there will be no meat stolen and hidden in the flowerbed and cutlery will not disappear.
Also, people will not take off before washing the utensils! The caterer comes with his or her team of cooks and serves. Yours is to buy the amount of food for the expected guests and professional service is provided.
When you lose someone, however close, you cannot afford to delegate duties when planning the funeral. You must be at the centre of it. The most trusted family member should be appointed treasurer and transparency insisted upon. There are tales about some treasurers taking off with the money contributed putting plans in disarray.
Make sure you tackle every expense expected. Remember the choir that sings at the funeral will need some little money to launder the uniform they wear during the ceremony. So spare something for them and budget for the same.
The priest or pastor who presides over the ceremony will also need his or car fuelled; the grave diggers must be paid and people to clean the compound after the ceremony is over will be paid too.
Thus put everything down, otherwise you will find yourself digging into your personal money to pay these ‘small’ demands which in the end are a really big expenditure.
When the burial is done and the last mourner has left, the family should sit again and officially close the fundraising committee. At this meeting you will go through the books and see how you spent the money
If the treasurer has some balance and everything is paid for, discuss how to spend the money. Was the person you lost committed to some charity? Perhaps that is one place you can direct the balance; avoid sharing out the money among yourselves.
It is very important as a family to be on the same wavelength as it is unsavoury for some members to feel shortchanged.
Financial openness should be your mantra as you arrange the funeral of a kin.