In 2014, three women were arrested and arraigned in court in connection with a forceful sperm harvesting syndicate!
The women, the police said, had been waylaying and kidnapping men they felt possessed good genes, before forcing them to have protected sex at gun point. They then harvested the semen from the condoms and sold it at top dollar!
Well, that was in Zimbabwe. However, their Kenyan counterparts have been at it undetected, and are yet to be arrested because they have taken the game a notch higher.
They operate with the astuteness and precision of con men. They steal the sperm without using brute force! Let’s just say they steal it with a smile!
Robbery with sexiness
A Nairobi man surnamed Okinda reported to us a chilling tale of how his sister’s friend, in her mid-thirties, and all the way from Kakamega, stole his sperm! It was a matter of semen robbery without violence.
Knowing his solid family background and being a man whose looks, intellect and genetic makeup she could vouch for, she ambushed him while attending a seminar in Nairobi. She visited his room with one thing on her mind — stealing his sperm!
She sobbed about loneliness, her desires for marriage and getting babies. One thing led to another, and before he knew it, she had lured him into raiding her cookie jar. After three similar visits, and just when he thought they were in a relationship, the woman cut links.
Relationship of convenience
It never occurred to him that he had, in women’s parlance, been “used”, until he learnt that the woman had given birth to a baby who looked exactly like him but wanted nothing to do with him. If that is not stealing, then what is? That is how Okinda lost his sperm, just like that!
In yet another incident, Sam, a Nairobi-based banker got the shock of his life when a woman he had been having an intimate relationship with went silent, only for him to discover through her employee, that she was pregnant with his child.
The woman, a business lady running a fleet of salons in Nairobi’s Kasarani area, duped him into a relationship of convenience.He had met her at a supermarket, exchanged contacts and began ‘tuning’ her. After a couple of dates, she told him she was married but her husband was boring and she wouldn’t mind him being her mpango wa kando (secret lover).
After a couple of weeks of steamy romantic escapades, she got knocked up, ended the relationship abruptly and began playing hide and seek with the man.
Sam suspected something sinister was afoot. He launched an investigation through a beautician who worked for the lady, only to discover that the woman was a single mother of two and expectant with a third, suspected to be Sam’s.
It occurred to Sam that he had been conned of his sperm. And it seemed that the woman’s two other children were also a result of stolen sperm. The beautician revealed to Sam that the woman has never been married but keeps having babies.
Our investigations reveal that majority of these sperm thieves are full-fledged lesbians who are not attracted to men at all, and have been dating women all through. However, when they realise their biological clock is ticking and time is running out, they seek a donor and defraud him of his sperm.
Alternatively, they are the so called independent women who at some point get desperate for babies. Majority of them hate men, can’t stand them and are bitter just because they had an unpalatable experience with one, vowing never to love or get married. Thus, when they want babies, they look for a man with good genes and start a short-term relationship.One night she mentions in passing how she is on the pill, and knowing how men hate condoms, she beds the man.
Vanish when pregnant
She both vanishes immediately she gets pregnant or hangs around and pretends to be surprised; blaming an antibiotic she allegedly took for messing with the pill. Before the man knows it, she vanishes. And when the kid grows up, she of course lies to him or her that their father abandoned them!
Majority of these sperm thieves have been discouraged from marriage by their married friends, who whine on morning radio about how ‘useless’ husbands have become. How torturous and boring marriage is nowadays.
Get sperm by hook or crook
Thus, most of them see no reason to get married; from the word go, they plan to be single mothers! All they want is sperm, and sperm they get — by hook or by crook! They swindle men of their sperm and seeing as they are independent, they never come back asking for child support.
A certain Yvonne is a 34-year-old single mother with one kid. She is a manager at a top public relations firm and on the side she has a wedding planning company, and an MBA which she bagged at the age of 27. She drives a black Toyota Mark X, owns two pieces of land in Kitusuri, and lives in an apartment in Kileleshwa where she has been paying mortgage for the last two years.
Planned single motherhood
Hers is what is called ‘planned single motherhood’. She believes being a wife is too costly and demanding as it requires a woman to sacrifice too much.
“There is nothing attractive about being a wife anymore, all you need is sperm from an unsuspecting man who you will never tell that he is responsible for your pregnancy. I saw how my father treated my mother, it did not matter that she was the best wife and sacrificed everything even herself.
“Then my older sister got married right out of university, and she never went back to do her Masters even though it was something she had talked about even before getting married, all because her husband would never allow her to leave her kids alone. She even refused a number of promotions because she did not want to earn more than her jealous husband and look like she was competing with him.
“He suppressed her, killed her from the inside and left her a shell of the person she used to be. Now she is 38 and trying to re-build herself again. If that is what marriage is, I decided long ago that was not what I wanted for myself,” explains Yvonne.
She adds: “A year ago when I decided to have a baby, I hooked up with one of my exes and once I was pregnant I kicked him out of my life again. I do not want a husband or a live-in boyfriend.”
Have no plans to be wives
If swindling men of their sperm is a crime, then Yvonne is not the only thief! She is in great company, for she has many partners in crime! Sophie is a 32-year-old doctor who harbours no dreams of one day becoming someone’s wife, but in fact plans to be a single mother.
“I have given myself three more years and once I turn 35 I will find a man for the purposes of getting a child or two. These days there is no reason for a woman to put up with a useless man (ouch!) or to get into a miserable marriage. Most women have realised that marriage is a prison where wives go to die slowly.”
See no reason to get married
“Plus there is really no reasons to get married, women these days are empowered. We have good jobs and can buy anything our hearts desire. If you want sex you can find it, and even when you want a baby you can have one without being married. The world has changed,” she says.
The list of women in these kinds of arrangements is quite long. Miriam Bosire, a business woman in her 40s, is also unmarried but claims to be very happy.
“I decided long ago that being a wife was not for me, all I had to do was look at the lives of girlfriends who had gotten married in my younger days and I quickly realised that marriage was not meant for me,” she explains.
Despite not being married Miriam is currently pregnant and is expecting her second child.
Husbands can be so useless
“I have a son and currently I am pregnant for the second time. I will give birth next year in March. The father of my first child and the man responsible for my current pregnancy are lazy men.
“Some husbands can be so useless at times, especially those with no ambitions. When I turned 37 I felt it was time to finally have a baby and so far, so good. I do not care about child support I can take care of my children by myself,” she concludes.
This is a story that Chesoni, a civil servant in his late thirties, is all too familiar with.
“I am a married man with three children, but two years ago, one of my female friends made a crazy preposition. She asked me to help her have a child. I was so shocked. I would have considered it but I love my wife so much that I would never do such.
“And again, the woman wanted me to sire the child with her but was suggesting that I shouldn’t be involved in the upbringing of the child at all. Months later, I bumped into her with a pregnancy. I guess she found a man who was willing to give her a baby.”
Men, beware lest your sperm is stolen! Don’t say we didn’t warn you.