Schola is an embattled teacher. She has been accused of being behind last week’s drama that saw teachers panic and scamper after mistaking insurance sales persons for the dreaded TSC inspectors.
She has had a hard time fighting off the allegation. At one point, she threatened to strip naked in the staff room to protest and demonstrate her innocence. Mwalimu Thunder got excited over the move, and even cheered, and urged her on: “Undress, watu waache kukuzoea kwa hii ofisi.” Meanwhile, Vasco Da Gama, seemed unmoved and was overheard dismissing her and mumbling under his breath, saying: “How I wish she knew the number of hotter women some of us have seen nude. And the way she looks skinny!”
Thanks to the investigations into bullying, we have unearthed the unregulated ‘nick-naming industry’ at Meta Meta. This discovery, which has given us an opportunity to laugh at ourselves, has considerably lowered tensions. The depa (deputy head teacher), who rarely smiles, has at least lately been showing her teeth.
A Form One had told us they had been warned of dire consequences if they breathed anything about bullying to Bensouda. “And how could you have managed to reach Bensouda?” Depa asked. The innocent Form One simply informed her that Bensouda was her nickname.
I am not sure who between the staff and students can claim credit for the Bensouda nickname. Both parties are, however, in agreement that it’s due to depa’s strictness.
“Can you tell us the nicknames of other teachers?” depa inquired. The Form One was only too willing to oblige. “Every member of staff here has a nickname. There is Mulika Mwizi here,” she managed to stammer, nodding towards Aeneas. Everybody burst into laughter. Apparently, Aeneas had earned the name because of his cheap, lowly mobile phone.
While every other member of staff has upgraded to ‘serious phones’ such as touch screens and the likes, he has stuck to the ancient contraption. Indeed, Aeneas attracts nicknames on his person as flowers draw bees to their nectar.
Other than during the Sacco election period, when he falls victim to bouts of generosity, he finds it extremely painful to part with a coin. In acknowledgement of his attachment to money, madam Donatta christened him Mr Super Glue.
The business education teacher is nick named Piriton. Many students doze off during her lessons. Her low sweet voice can lull a hungry lion to sleep. The discipline committee had come across that nickname. A boy had been caught in the classroom with a phone.
In the phone’s out box was an SMS that read in part: “Natuna kiasi, lesson ya Ms Piriton ina-bore sana (I am taking a nap, ever boring Ms Piriton is in class). The boy refused to tell us who Ms Piriton was.
The Meta Meta staff are partakers in the nicknaming business. While the principal’s nick-name — Okonkwo — emanated from the students, many teachers openly use it. The nickname is a fitting reward for the principal’s love of the late Chinua Achebe’s novels. Besides, he, at times, exhibits a temper like that which saw the real Okonkwo aim a gun at Ekwefi, his wife, in the novel.
I suspect that a number of the Meta Meta community do not know Vasco Da Gama’s real name. He acquired the nickname partly out of his masterly of history, and partly due to his love for out-of-vogue fashion. He is at his best while donning a kaunda suit or a three-piece suit and a pair of shoes that was in-vogue when legendary explorer of yore such as Christopher Columbus existed.
Schola’s close association with rumours, and an unbridled delight in spreading them, has seen her christened Pilipili. It is Magarita who conceived it.
Did you enjoy the story? Drop Mwalimu a line at Socratesmwalimu@gmail.com