I am 33 and madly in love with a 22-year-old guy. We started going out when I picked him from the street and started feeding him and letting him stay at my place. I run a successful business. He knows how to make me laugh and I thought he loved me. I have financed several of his projects but lately he has changed. He is into drugs and he even tries to get me into them. He smokes weed in the house; he has become violent and is turning into a junkie. When I annoy him he keeps calling me ‘old woman’, which irritates me. I have not introduced him to my family yet because sometimes he looks scruffy and speaks so carelessly. The trouble is I recently found out I am pregnant. Now my business is going down because I am confused and cannot concentrate. I really love him, but he doesn’t seem to appreciate it any more. What do I do? Please advise. {Nina}
Your take:
You did the honourable thing by helping the boy out. But you failed to identify what he needed most — rehabilitation and integration back to society.
What I never understood is why you brought him to your house. You said you financed his projects? Then he must be stable by now, so let him out. Enough is enough.
You are just forcing him to love you. You don’t realise he’s totally different from you — you think business, he thinks drugs. Mistakes are part of life, so accept the reality before you mess your life.
{Samuel Kipsang}
It is hard to domesticate a wild animal since it will always revert to its old ways. Throw it back to the bush (streets) before it grows bigger horns. The pregnancy is a reward for your mistake and a pretty good lesson.
{MC Kip}
Love is blind and has no boundaries. Being in love with a man 11 years your junior is not the real issue here.
There is nothing to hold on to if he is a junkie. He belongs in the streets so let him go back there. You can make it in life; go on to have your baby. Life will be better without him.
{Gabriel Aghan}
Picking the guy from the streets and taking care of him was very nice of you, but you went too far! You shouldn’t have gone to bed with him.
Kick him out and concentrate on your business. Look for a mature man of your age. Don’t mind what people will say about the baby — you can take care of him alone.
{Victor Preston}
You should not let that pregnancy tie you down to an abusive marriage and a thankless drug addict who instead of thanking you for what you have done to him, is abusing you. Go and look for a man of your age and class.
{Kamau Beka -Mumias}
While drug addicts need our love, support and care, your lover has demonstrated that he doesn’t give a hoot.
He is biting the hand that feeds him and maybe he has found another sweetheart and that is why he is calling you old woman.
Pregnancy is a sensitive period so you need to relax, otherwise you will lose your baby. Resist all temptations to get into drugs no matter how madly in love you’re with him.
He seems to have a lot of time at his disposal so you should probably get him something to do.
{Bernard}
This guy does not love you — he loves your money. He also knows that you are desperate to be a wife and a mother, given your age. That’s why he is treating you like this. He is an opportunist out to suck you dry. The best thing you can do is to throw him out. Your Mr Right is still on the way.
{Andera Lwanya}
Age is nothing but a number so you can still marry him but be submissive and loving. Visit a substance and addict counsellor to get help for him. Remember that the pregnancy does not compel you to marry under any circumstances.
{Ogara George}
Don’t introduce him to your family because the worst is yet to happen. The boy is still getting over adolescence.
To me you just loved him because of his aggressive sex, but even that was due to drugs.
He even smokes weed in your house and you still love him? He doesn’t respect you. Take care of your unborn baby and dispose of this guy.
{Kipsang}
It must be hurting to see the guy you picked from the street turning against you. Encourage the people who are close to him to talk to him about his behavior and maybe he will change.
{Chiku}
He did not come asking for your love in the first place. You mistook his intentions and that is why he calls you old woman. There is only so much you can do for a drug addict. Let him go.
{Luke Omondi}
It is possible the rehabilitation you started is not yet complete. You can still turn him round. However if you have done all you can and he still gets worse, accept that you got a child out of wedlock, concentrate on your business and focus ahead. Otherwise, he will ruin you forever, now that he is violent.
{Tasma Charles}
My take:
At 22, he is just a child and I find it hard to believe that you took him to bed. You let him stay on after realising that he is taking drugs? Find a mature man who is better adjusted and behaved. Keeping that good-for-nothing adolescent in your house only reduces your chances of finding the right man to marry you.
An addict will even steal from you to finance his addiction. You owe him nothing.You are probably considering taking the drugs — it is hard to imagine that he has such influence on you. I don’t see what keeps you hooked on him.Get the brat out of your life and focus on fixing your mistakes.
{Taurus}