Too many men are suffering in silence. For the sake of looking like a man, they hide their issues, failing to deal with them. In the long run, they hurt other people, especially women and children, they grow up angry, they get lost in addictions, they commit suicide, they beat up others, and they kill. Let’s take time and interrogate the issues men are going through
1. The lack of father figures
A boy knows when he is growing without a father figure. Each man who grows up without a father figure handles it differently, some get to heal and accept, other grow up feeling rejected and think everyone will reject them and so they keep people at a distance to protect themselves from rejection. The men who struggle with this issue might get into a relationship or marriage but not be fully in, they hide in their own bubble even as fathers or husband.
Gentleman, if this is you, forgive your absent father, if your father died while young, celebrate him and get to find out the things about him to emulate. Don’t ruin your life on account of your dad.
Lady, talk to this man and win him over, show him you are on his side and you will never reject him, and he needs your affirmation. Create an environment suitable for him to open up.
2. The pressure from father figures
These are the men who have fathers who make them feel unworthy, their fathers are not mentors, and they are whip masters who raised them with fear. These men grew up made to feel they had to accomplish something in order to be man enough or accepted, and whatever they accomplished was never good enough. These are the kind of men who once they get money and success, they hold on to it and use it to terrorize others as their fathers terrorized them, they become show-offs, angry and bullies.
Gentleman, if this is you, know that your father was lost and had his own issues and that is why he was mean to you, and don’t let him turn you into a monster. Push back his harsh words in your mind and tell yourself "I will not become him"
Lady, if this is your man, counter his father's pressure with the soothing of kind words. This man expects to be made to prove a point, change that narrative and be the one who tells him "Honey, you are good enough"
3. The societal expectations
The society largely doesn't understand men. Society has simplified men to these species of people who don't cry, don't have emotions, all they want is sex and their meaning is to make money. Sadly, many men have taken this as their identity living a shallow life. I have watched men break down, some they broke down when it was too late.
Gentleman, if this is you, know that it is OK not to be OK, it is OK not to always be strong, it is OK to be hugged, to be cared for, to cry even without tears, to vent; it is OK to be human. Do not let society rob you your emotions, your humanity, your heart. Frankly speaking, the society doesn't care, refuse its shallow definition of you.
Lady, stop propagating stereotypes on your man. Words like "Men are dogs", "African men are so typical", "Stop being weak" must stop and you get to hear him out and be his best friend
4. The rise of powerful women
Feminism is good and has brought the advancement of women, but some women as they have progressed, they have turned men into the enemy. These women talk down men with their tongue, they use men and damp them, they mock the man in case she earns more than him, they show no respect to not just men but even their fellow women. These women feel that just because they have money and good looks, they can say and do as they please regardless of other people's feelings. Marrying them is stressful and there is no peace. These women appear attractive from a distance, but once the man gets close, their attitude stinks.
Gentleman, if you are the kind of man who has been attacked by women who abuse their power, do yourself a favor and keep off such, find women who are mature and responsible with their power. But if you are married to a wife irresponsible with her power, know that she suffers an identity crisis, speak to her softer side and she'll stop seeing you as a threat.
Lady, stop competing against your man.
5. The pressure from fellow men
Because there is an abundance of broken men, they often gang up together and stay in the same broken state. The wrong male friends are the biggest downfall of a man, they encourage bad behavior, the mistreatment of women, the abuse of power and the justification of wrong.
Gentleman, analyze the quality of your friends and ask yourself, "Am I hanging out with broken men as we lead each other to nowhere?"
Lady, make it so easy for your man to be with you to the point that he loves hanging out with you, thus reducing the influence of his friends.
6. The pressure of money
Many men think that their worth is determined by the amount of money they have, and so once he gets retrenched, suffers loses or gets fired; he feels worthless. Money is just a measure of human cash for trade. Man existed before money and thus a man's identity was before cash.
Gentleman, be confident in who you are. Money comes and goes, when you are a man of vision and purpose, money will find you; but with plenty or less, don't let it determine who you are.
Lady, don't celebrate him only when he is rich and extravagant, don't belittle him if he is financially struggling.
7. The fast-paced life
Most men did not prepare for growing up, they just found themselves thrust deep into adulthood and responsibilities and they can easily snap. Marriage, fatherhood, do this, do that; all that can take a toll on a man especially one who doesn't deal with his inner issues. They just need to rest once in a while and catch their breath and bearing.
Gentleman, stop moving too fast or you will break. Take some time to relax, enjoy your family and friends, laugh, play.
Lady, allow him some time to relax and relax with him. Part him on the back.
8. The character of his penis
The penis is the organ most men are conscious of, if you want to destroy a man's confidence or make him defensive; make fun of his penis. Mock him that he is uncircumcised or he is circumcised, joke about its size, and make fun of its performance.
Gentleman, embrace your penis.
Lady, make him feel good about his penis.
9. The perception that bad is better
Most men falsely think that when they shout, dictate, order people around, act heartless or intimidate then they will be respected and look manly. This is especially magnified when a man has no good examples of role models.
Gentleman, a great man is one who is admired, respected and celebrated because of his good character.
Lady, celebrate his good side until it eclipses his need to act like he is a bad man.
10. The suppression of the need for love
Every human spirit needs love and was created to love and be loved; including men. It takes maturity and strength for a man to be vulnerable and accept that he needs love. Men are hurting, begging for love but they are cowards to admit it. A man who struggles to love God, will struggle to love himself and others, he will struggle to accept his need for love.
Gentleman, to live in this life without loving and being loved is not to live at all.
Lady, break down his walls and ego with your gentle of love and care.
11. The pressure of marriage
Marriage can come with a whole lot of pressure especially when a man is married to a woman who doesn't appreciate him and only sees his wrongs. Some men in this kind of union wonder why they got married, they lack peace, they dread coming back home because of fights with the wife and so they become wandering souls, if there is no peace and warmth at home, where else does one go?
Gentleman, you cannot dictate how your wife behaves but you can influence her. When you give your wife attention and make her feel special, she in turn gives you peace. You can influence her mood.
Lady, the one thing a man seeks from you is peace, give him peace. Peace to a man makes him feel safe. Do not reduce him to a husband who is constantly examined with a list of demands
12. The pressure of sex
Every man wants to feel like they are great in bed, and so this can easily lead to a competition of sex. This competition can easily be heightened when a man is surrounded by men who make him feel he is not man enough if he doesn't have a side chick or an affair or if he doesn't get sex often. This kind of man will feel under pressure to prove that he is great in bed.
Gentleman, know the difference between sex and intimacy. Grow up and pursue intimacy, intimacy is personal and sacred with no pressure.
Lady, get your connection with him to go deeper than physical, speak to his emotions, his mind, his spirit.
13. The big brother challenges
These are the men who have the responsibility of raising or providing for their siblings, they are always called upon with words of "I need this", to their family, they are a super hero. This can easily bring frictions in marriage when the husband feels under obligation to support his siblings, relatives or friends and the wife is not happy about it because their own family's needs are not being met.
Gentleman, as you help, don't forget you. Agree with your wife how much of your money will go towards helping others.
Lady, show this man that you understand his responsibilities as you help him to find a balance and be objective.
14. The ex-issues
If a man once loved a woman and she dumped him or cheated on him despite him being a good man, such a man may not take it well. If he doesn't heal properly he will end up changing to a man who cares less because he feels what is the point of being a good man, he will shelve his heart and fail to love his wife fully, holding back is goodness.
Gentleman, let go of your past. Stop punishing your wife for the mistakes of your ex.
Lady, get him comfortable enough to talk about his past, don't be insecure when he shows you his past with another lady; use that information to understand him and love him, assuring him that you are his.
In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I remind men of their humanity.
In my other new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I give tips to women how to handle a man and his issues through the power of love.
© Dayan Masinde
To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.
To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.