On the verge of pornographic addiction

I am a 23-year-old campus student. I have a loving boyfriend whom I have dated for a year. I have a major issue, which I think if not sorted out, will destroy my relationship with him, yet I love him very much. I have a laptop and a modem, and I have been accessing pornographic sites. It began as a joke, but I think I am now almost addicted. It is affecting my feelings for my boyfriend and I think it is worsening each day. What do I do to permanently quit?

{Tracy}

Edith says

Tracy,

First of all, you are doing the right thing by asking for help. That is a bold and important move. Secondly, this is a problem you might have to discuss with a trained counsellor?— someone who can offer you an informed solution. That said, I will ask why you think you are drawn to these sites. It might come as an obvious answer for most, but what are you really looking for? You mentioned not wanting to tell your boyfriend; are you compensating for something he lacks or something you feel you lack? These are all hard questions you will need to answer alone and honestly before you can open up to anyone.

You are right, if you do not get this sorted soon, you may never be able to detach from it. It will not be easy but you need to find someone qualified — in school, at church, whichever makes you comfortable — then get the help you need. In the meantime, talk to your boyfriend. The longer you keep it from him, the worse it will become and eventually it will all blow up in your face.? It might be embarrassing, but you need him on your side to keep you in check while you find an alternative solution.

Your Say 

Please try to spend your free time at the playing ground or visiting friends so that you are occupied. At 23, you are very energetic and you should use your energy to do something meaningful than wasting it on pornographic sites. Just try as much as possible to use your laptop only for your schoolwork.

{Irene Maghuwa, Mombasa}

Tracy, you urgently need to see a psychologist because it may lead to masturbation and guilt. Keep yourself busy with other good activities
to avoid idleness.

{Lilian Kuhora}

Pornography, especially what you are watching on screen, can be very addictive. You start the habit because of curiosity but as time goes by, it becomes a habit and you are addicted and you cannot do without it.

The effort to stop this should come from you. Try and keep busy with other important areas of your life. You should also seek counselling and proper guidance.

{Geertrude Audi, Nairobi}

She needs to convince herself to quit the problem.? You are a good as in a muddy ditch, so staying and wishing for help, without making any effort, will not help. Refrain from using the modem and instead use a cyber?cafe to access the Internet to avoid the temptation to go to those other sites. Porn is dirty and it leaves one with a troubled conscience.? You hold the key to quitting. Seek help from a professional counsellor.

{Rahab Kahenya}

Tracy, it is good you admit that the habit is bad and addictive. The best thing to do is to be assertive with yourself and leave those bad sites at once. Promise yourself that you won’t visit the sites and whenever you feel like going back to the habit, identify something else of value to do. However, the willingness to change has to come from within.

{Muthoni Njau}

Tracy, pornographic addiction is curable, but the decision lies with you. The first thing is to do away with the porn sources. You can ask your friend to install safe-search on your laptop and modem to prevent you from accessing the pornographic sites. Also, keep yourself busy with social and manual work in order to keep your mind positively occupied.

{Eric Achong’a, Busia}

Tracy, develop a positive outlook, have a plan to deal with your craving then share with your boyfriend who will support you as you get help.

?(Raphael Ogello, Nairobi)

Tracy, those pornographic sites are not only going to destroy your relationship with your boyfriend but also with God.
{Colleta Ngesa, Maseno}