No matter what, family reunions are worth it

Mami Kamami

Whoever invented Christmas lunches with the extended family did not have an idea of the kind of family I would get married into. At least for my own family, I have lived with them the last 20 something years of my life. I can stand the bickering amongst my two sisters Stacey and Doreen and me. I can put up with my sister-in-law’s high-handedness and snobbish behaviour.

And there is always something nostalgic about all of us being home on Christmas Eve, retelling childhood jokes and singing nursery rhymes, even fighting amongst ourselves like we did growing up –– that makes me want to be with them during Christmas.

For the last two years, my hubby Patty has insisted on us travelling upcountry to his shagz for Christmas. No big deal –– it’s a small sacrifice to make for love’s sake. It is of course burdensome packing for all of us and especially travelling with my one-year-old daughter Kamami without the house help who also wants to travel to her home for Christmas. Patty’s family is absolutely crazy. His mother still thinks she is 30 and wants to be my gossip mate. Of course that isn’t happening because she is also the fastest tongue on the grapevine and she won’t take responsibility for any fights she causes.

Silent observer

Dad is a sober man who has aged beautifully. I hope Patty looks like that at 60. He silently observes everything that happens in the family and will hardly butt in unless requested.

I’m sure he knows more than he lets out. Patty has two sisters and two brothers –– both married.

This Christmas Janet, one of Patty’s sisters came home with her children but without her husband. She said he had travelled out of the country on duty.

From the looks that were exchanged around the sitting room, I knew that that was no official duty. Rumour is, their marriage is on the brink of disintegrating. Even if he travelled abroad, it was just an excuse to avoid putting up appearances at a family gathering. I suppose the whole saga is having its toll on her. The wrinkles around her eyes have aged her beauty and though she is putting on a brave face, I can see the sadness in her eyes. Poor girl!

Edith, his other sister, is still single at 34, and she tells us she has given up trying to find a man.

"May be I should just get a younger man," she intones as we settle down to an evening watching TV and watching the children play.

Second wife

"Why don’t you consider being a second wife instead?" Janet puts in. "You will never get that perfect man you are looking for. He doesn’t exist. So long as a man loves you, you can teach your heart to love him back. There’s more to marriage than love cards."

"Men are overrated dear Edith. Just get a baby and forget about men." That has come from my sister-in-law Roselyn.

"Don’t be lied to Edith," my other sister-in-law Christine says. "If some people can’t take care of their husbands, they shouldn’t say all men are useless."

We are used to the infighting between these two. I am actually surprised Roselyn came home this Christmas. After a nasty fight they had with Christine at a family gathering on Madaraka Day, I thought she would give any family gatherings a wide berth.

"Look at who’s talking, the perfect mother. If you were so good, your 13-year old would not be getting abortions," Roselyn cuts in.

A long uncomfortable moment follows, and then everybody begins to talk at the same time.