The sleazy side of women-only getaways

Retreats have increasingly become a fad for the male Kenyan middle-class. Every so often, they travel in groups to other towns for getaways. For these rendezvous to be successful, men booked the right hotels, shopped for the right alcohol and the right women, and off they went.

Men no longer have the monopoly to such engagements. Women have snatched the script and are executing hideaways and the details are quite shocking.

Juma, a hotelier, strongly concurs: “Women began by testing the waters by coming home late, giving all sorts of excuses. They took the game to a new level by asking for permission to spend the whole night out in what they call girls’ night out. During such occasions, other than talking about their careers, fashion and whatnot, they gossiped about their husbands and the shortcomings of their marriages.

“They drank heavily and acted crazy by engaging in all sorts of wild activities, from having one night stands, trysts, and the party only ended whenever they got busted by a husband to one of them.

“Women now have taken the game a notch higher and spend days away — in far off towns that provide anonymity and exclusivity — from their husbands in the name of all-female getaways.”

He adds that Naivasha, Nakuru and Mombasa, which have been labeled ‘sin’ cities of Kenya, are convenient and play host to such activities.

“Naivasha, because of its touristy feel, great scenery, flourishing hotel industry and its proximity to Nairobi. Nakuru because of notorious seasonal rugby tournaments that it plays host to. Mombasa because, well, it is the main coastal town in the country, and coastal towns world over are  not known to reflect the will of the Lord on earth, or so it’s believed.”

Festive season

Nowadays, there are residential villas and maisonettes that offer individuals home-like comfort in these towns — a far cry from the traditional hotels by the beaches or lakes.

During this festive season, hideaways are now part of recreational fads for the female corporate types in Nairobi and other major towns. They are the new forms of get-togethers for former college or high school mates. Essentially, alcohol and a corresponding number of the opposite sex are the points of emphasis.

Women retreat out of town for a number of reasons, mostly to bond, shop and rejuvenate after a tiresome job experience or an exhausting relationship. This is on the surface. Lately, they seem to be going for high-octane getaways for different reasons altogether.

Two months ago, Sydney Kehari was camping in Naivasha in one of the very popular sites. The place teemed with young men and women camping for all manner of reasons — religious expeditions, self-actualization, college tours or adults just out to have fun. A few metres from their camp was a group of women in their late 20s and early 30s. They had lit a huge bonfire, had canned beer and smoked something that did not smell like cigarettes.

“What was odd was that there wasn’t even a single man in their presence and they struggled to keep the fire aflame, and did everything by themselves,” says Kehari. They confirmed that the women were on their own and worked in different corporate bodies in Nairobi when they borrowed a match to start their own fire. They were having an all-girl get together.  On the other hand, Kehari was camping out with his all-male department of a parastatal. They built a good rapport and shared the meals, alcohol and more in the course of the night, and some even built friendships that are still intact.

Fraught

Getaways are always exciting because they are fraught with erotic possibilities. When men get away, even without their girlfriends or their spouses, they can bank on the availability of commercial sex workers in the towns they visit. However, women do not have many options in terms of men available. So where do women get their men?

“Most of the time, this is when you seek that friend-with-benefits or ex-boyfriend you never really got over. Since you are done, basically there are no strings attached. Most of them can avail themselves for the romps,” says Agnes Mbatia, a 30-year-old journalist.

“Most women have that one ex they will never mind reconnecting with every once in a while, and such a man is a good candidate for getaway escapades,” she asserts. Agnes adds that there are willing studs and escorts in Nairobi and in the mentioned towns.

Muchiri, a psycho-social councilor, believes that women have every right to go out to unwind and catch up with one another as they compare notes. He, however, is worried about the dangerous trend of women using such opportunities to express rebellion and announcing their independence by unbottling the wild side of their personalities.

“Such engagements are healthy for women. Women like sharing ideas and opening up to one another. Through such, they release stress and rediscover themselves. For instance, when one is going through a rough patch in life like loss of a job, or gets jilted in love, or goes through divorce, it is through such getaways — after being encouraged and consoled — that they manage to move on.

“But the revelations that women use such opportunities to rebel against husbands, drink themselves silly and engage in risky sexual behaviour is disappointing,” says Muchiri.

Nowadays, most all-girls getaways are arranged to coincide with a concert, a gig, a rugby tournament or anything that can avail men.  Hotel managers at the Coast, tour operators and car hire firms are all in agreement that the number of women using their facilities has steadily grown. 

Nathan Mwenda, who owns a car hire firm in Nairobi is familiar with the trends, more so during the holiday seasons.

“There are as many women as men who come to hire cars for getaways. Most are from universities and young corporate women. They drive themselves and are hardly in the company of men. Only a few of them ask for drivers,” explains Nathan. Wycliffe Mose, who works with the same car hire firm and has driven women to Mombasa in a van and other popular resorts in the country, muses that there, is no difference between the way men and women go about it nowadays.  “In at least three encounters, I have escorted women and the script was almost similar. They bought alcohol, food and booked hotel rooms. My work was to drive them from one club to another, and sometimes they have ended up picking men from different joints when drunk,” claims Mose, citing Nakuru as a notorious place for escapades, especially when there are outdoor games or any festival.

Getaways for women are highly experimental. Anecdotal evidence shared by women who go for them, at least twice year tells as much.

“It’s time you let go of any care in the world. We drink, smoke (some even use drugs when they want to) and yeah if we have men along, the better,” asserts Jessica.

According to her, married women and those in stable relationships are the most likely to be swayed away. Besides, they use their single friends to be hooked up the same way men can use their bachelor friends to get women. It is more of a rebellion, more so when things are not working in a relationship. “It is therapeutic if you ask me,” says Jessica.

Women are also using getaways as a rite of passage to the next phase of their life. It could be graduation from college, entry into marriage or exiting it.

Fulfillment

Opondo, a master’s student in Anthropology explains the phenomenon as the new trend for the present generation.

“Individuals want more physical fulfillment and less emotional commitment. That is why many are opting for studs. It is common, nowadays, for women to have the so-called friends-with-benefits with whom they only have sexual relations and nothing more,” says Opondo.

Some women are now known to carry men to these destinations and footing all the bills. It is always a weekend that tries to mix business and pleasure.

“Whenever we go, she will foot the bills. All I have to do is show up, be clean, neat and well behaved. That is simple,” says Maosa, a 26-year-old college graduate who dates a 29-year-old career woman. The lady also pays his rent and has opened a small stall for him where he sells movies along Moi Avenue in Nairobi. This is an arrangement he confesses many young men of his age have with older women.

As sleeping dogs lie, during this festive season, women are having crazy fun with equally wild and secret partners at these getaways.

Women must be bitching now. Watch this space for what the men do during their getaways