Men's wandering eyes: Is ogling in the genes?

Why men ogle women even when they know they are already taken or married is a matter that has puzzled women since time immemorial.

An attractive woman walks into a restaurant and rest assured virtually all men around will crane their necks and leer at her. Never mind that some may be with their girlfriends or wives.

Is there something fascinating about another woman’s curvy body, sexy legs or perky breasts that always make men ogle, despite their own women having these qualities, one may wonder. 

Apparently, ogling, so it seems, is a weakness that afflicts all men. Age has nothing to do with it, as both young and old men do it. Neither does one’s social class, occupation nor marital status matter. All men, from the Pope, religious leaders, born-again men, happily married men to presidents, do it.

Not long ago, the husband of the president of Finland was caught on video sheepishly gawking at the Danish princess’ breasts during a state dinner. As he sat next to the princess, the ‘first gentleman’, Pentti Arajarvi, was caught absentmindedly staring at her cleavage during the dinner hosted by the princess’ mother-in-law, Queen Margrethe.

When the princess moved her eyes from the speaker on the podium, she found the ‘first gentleman’ staring at her boobs.

The embarrassed husband of the president jerked upwards and pretended to be admiring the ceiling of the palace. For a while, the incident created an awkward moment, leaving the shy princess protectively covering her cleavage using her hand as the ‘first gentleman’ continued to squint and pretend to ‘study’ the ceiling.

This tale echoes an incident in the 2009 G8 summit in Italy where the then president of France, Nicolas Sarkozy, and US president, Barack Obama, were accused of leering at the shapely figure and backside of Brazilian woman.

Most women have caught their boyfriends and husbands ‘checking out’ other women while in their company. Some are more tactful about it as they have mastered the art of staring discreetly using the corners of their eyes while others openly ‘undress’ ‘hot’ woman using their eyes.

The male eyes seem to have no boundaries; be it leering at cute waitress with plumpish posteriors; staring at curvy ushers in church; or even ogling the beautiful mama mbogas. And the most infuriating bit about this habit is that men often get so engrossed in it that they hardly notice they are in the company of girlfriends or wives. Or imagine that they are being observed.

Jacky Oriaso, a business woman, one day had to thwack her husband on the forehead for him to stop gawking at a waitress at a hotel. Oriaso says her man always embarrasses her whenever they go out together.

“He literally stares at everything in a mini-skirt. When we go out and an attractive woman passes by, he stares and quickly forgets that I am seated right next to him. It is so embarrassing because he makes me feel inadequate. We have quarrelled and even fought over his ogling but it’s a habit he has refused to drop,” she says.

Maureen, a nurse, says her husband has wandering eyes, and it does not matter what she does or says because he seems unable to help but stare at other women.

“I am young, beautiful and attractive. I have two children but I have maintained my figure and size. Plus, I dress in the latest fashion and styles, but even that does not prevent my husband from unashamedly staring at other women in my presence,” moans Maureen.

Pauline, on the other hand, argues that ogling is not in men’s genes. She says it a behaviour that can be ‘delearned’. She is of the view that men will only indulge in this behaviour if their women allow it. She claims that she had to train her man, and to teach him — ‘the hard way’ — that it is rude for a man to stare at other women when in the presence of his woman.

 “I have had to be very harsh with my boyfriend. I warned him very early that I would not stay with a man who could not control himself, and that if he did, I would leave him. I dumped him at some point, but after a while, he changed and requested for a second chance. He now behaves well. If he stares, then he does it so discreetly I hardly notice,” she says.

June Njoki, a public relations consultant, says she usually deals with boyfriends who ogle ruthlessly.

“Who said men have a monopoly of ogling or secretly ‘checking out’ beautiful women in the name of appreciating beauty? Whenever I am dating a man who does not understand such behaviour is rude and messes with my self-esteem, I simply start to ogle ‘hot’ men too.

“And that usually works for me unless the man is daft. I do not understand why a man would publicly embarrass you by staring at other women and think it is an acceptable behaviour,” fumes June.

And it is not just the ogling that annoys women, but the ridiculous excuses that men give when caught staring. The excuses range from it being in their genes, to men being visual creatures that use ogling as a way of appreciating beauty.

James Muli, a saloon owner, however, does not understand what the  fuss is all the about, and says that ogling beautiful women is second nature to any red blooded man, and as long as a man does not cheat, he does not see what the problem is with appreciating beauty.

“If a beautiful woman who is pleasing to my eyes passes near me, I will definitely feast my eyes on her. It is a compulsion that I cannot resist. It is not cheating, it is simply appreciating beauty,” says Muli, with a naughty smile.

His philosophy seems to resonate with most men asked to comment on the subject of ogling. In fact, one Timothy Kwayera, a student, says women need to understand that it is a compulsion that men cannot resist.

“When a man stares at a woman, it is all about celebrating her beauty. It is in our genes, we are very visual and even if a man has a wife or a girlfriend, there is nothing wrong with appreciating beauty from other quarters. It is just looking, it is not touching,” says Kwayera.

A Mr Omwenga, on the other hand, vigorously defends men, saying: “It is high time women grew up and stopped having dirty little minds. Just because a man is looking at you doesn’t mean he is staring.” He says he has before been given ‘that bad look’ for allegedly ogling when in actual sense he wasn’t.

 “I’m a big fun of jewelry. Whenever I see some good necklace or nose ring, I always give it a good look. My wife has caught me scrutinising jewelry around other women’s necks several times and accused me of ogling,” he says.

He argues that women, especially married ones, are just jealous. They want men to put all their attention on them. He further notes that, in fact, women, too, ogle.

“You see those women who patronise sports arenas, like when we have rugby, soccer ... they don’t go there to enjoy the sport, but to ogle and ‘check out’ ‘hot’ men; so they should not adopt a holier-than- thou attitude on this matter,” he says, with a chuckle.

John Kinuthia, too, belongs to the same school of thought. He says at times, by staring, men have no bad intentions.

“When a man ogles, it doesn’t mean much. He is just appreciating the beauty of the other woman. So long as he doesn’t make a move, women ought not to worry,” says Kinuthia.

He adds that women must understand that men are visual creatures. At times, he says, it’s just inevitable and proceeds to give a hotel menu analogy.

“At times, the spirit would really try its level best to fight the temptation to ogle, but the body completely refuses. And again, is it a crime to look at a hotel menu, just because you have made an order for food and you are already eating?” asks Kinuthia.

He tells a tale of how one day, while in the company of his wife, a neatly dressed woman with a curvy body landed him in trouble. “An elegantly dressed woman once made my wife sulk for hours, just because I had looked at her for relatively a longer period. She was dressed in a nice fitting kitenge and I could not believe there existed such a curvy woman with a wasp-like waist and a well-rounded posterior. So I pretended to be fastening my shoes laces in order to slightly lag behind and get an opportunity to look at her.

Unfortunately, my wife had stopped and was looking at me as I stared at the woman. My explanation that I was admiring nothing but ‘just’ the kitenge with intentions of buying her a similar one landed on deaf ears. She refused to talk to me till much later in the evening and explained how I made her feel bad.

The jury is (still) out there on why men ogle and whether they can resist it.