The untold secret about opinion polls

By Bill Odunga

This past week, fellow columnist Oyunga Pala, a writer for whom I have a lot of respect, was on telly alongside two other panelists confirming that pollsters should never be allowed to lie, “that numbers do not lie”.

They were debating the place of marriage and infidelity in modern day households, and my icon was stunned at the percentages presented by the leading polling company. That 63 per of people in marriage are happy was a big lie, and I concurred with him. More people could be merely tolerating each other. 

I have been around long enough to know that some of the researches these pollsters carry out are as genuine as anything on River Road. The problem is, even the companies themselves do not know that they are wrong  because they are duped anyway.

What happens is that these companies employ college students desperate for a quick buck. These students are required to walk around town asking people all kinds of intimate questions about their marriage and relationships. But who has the time to bear the stinging August cold seeking for this kind of information, when there are unfinished assignments, exams coming up, and Suits Season Three to catch up on?

The solution is simple, get yourself a pack of Red Bull and spend the whole night doing the research  by yourself. At best, you fill the forms with the help of your roommate who you pay something small.

During the height of election campaigns, I helped out several friends who landed these jobs. A man’s got to do whatever he has to do, to eat.

Otherwise, when the Government subsidy runs out, there will be too much semester at the end of the money. That is why every time a pollster comes up on television to present rocket science from some research, I reach for the remote.

Here is the other thing. It is a common fact that Kenyans are a highly pretentious society. We say everything is all good and jolly when it is actually the opposite. We pretend that we can afford Blankets and Wine, when we actually save up the whole year to attend it. We pretend that our marriages are happy when you wish you could throw it into a fierce bull fight and get over with it.

So if the campus guy actually decides to do his side hustle and walks up to a person to ask whether his/her marriage is doing okay, the automatic response is a yes. Who would incriminate themselves to complete strangers, unless they honestly want to tap out of a marriage?