By Esther Muchene
Every once in a while I shall take the opportunity to answer some of the most commonly asked questions from couples about to wed. So here we go:
Cutting wedding costs
Question: My fiancÈ’s family has insisted on paying for our reception as a gift to us. However, they do not have much money which is quite limiting for us. How can we make the little we have work?
Answer: First and foremost you need to create a wedding budget and come up with a rough estimate of the number of guests you are expecting. This will help you in the search of services such as a venue that can accommodate your guests comfortably. Walk around and visit as many vendors as you can to compare and choose the best services at the best rates. Always work within your budget to avoid overspending. Another alternative would be to have fewer guests ,which will in turn mean fewer chairs, tents, food and so on. This will not only give you a comfortable number to work with but save you a lot without compromising.
Persistent relatives
Q: My fiancÈ and come big families and this has caused a kind of tag of war with each side wanting to prove a point. Our problem is, both families are insisting on having members of their families in our bridal party yet we have already decided on a number. How can we go about this sensitive matter?
A: Weddings bring excitement with different people suggesting different things and all expecting their voices to be heard and as they say, a wedding is for the whole village. Some families feel they have every right to dictate what should happen when and where. You need to understand where your families are coming from and see how you can work around it to make everyone happy. For example, you may decide to have three people from each side. If this does not work for you, kindly explain to them that you have already chosen who you want, and why. You can then suggest that it would better if they could help out at the wedding by playing other important roles such as ushering, security among others.
The point is to make them feel valued and needed. Lastly, help them understand it is your wedding and that is how you would love your big day to be.
Fashion disaster
Q: My mother-in-law is what most would consider young at heart even at the age of 60. She has recently found a dress she wants to wear. However, it is anything but simple and decent for a woman her age. To make matters worse, she has chosen a colour outside the colour scheme we had set for both mothers to wear. I feel she is disrespecting my feelings and I am not about to accept her option. How do I go about it?
A: This has to be one of hardest things anyone may have to do. At the end of day, it is your wedding and you run the show. As hard as it may be, in such a situation honesty may be the best policy. Put it in the nicest words possible why the option she chose may not work; stating reasons and offer to accompany her to shop around for another dress. Make her understand that choosing something outside what you had suggested would hurt your feelings and you would want some form of uniformity which is why you chose that style or colour etc.
In extreme cases, you may offer to buy her something special in this case a dress, as a gift from the two of you. In most cases most of us would be more than happy to get a free dress.
Lastly, you can pass this difficult task to the wedding planner, who will know how to handle it and, coming from a neutral person, no hurt feelings will be felt.
