It has been one week since Valentine’s Day. One week and one day to be precise, and we are yet to know whether the flowers, and the love they were supposed to be a manifest of, have withered or are blossoming.
On the same day, there was also Men’s Conference, not as an event to help men realise their potential, but as a protest against women, needy women — because it has been inculcated in men that women are needy beings who ask for things just for the heck of it. No, because they want to measure the potential of their men. No, because they want to use that as a tool for weeding men out of their lives.
Before those two events, there was a lot of talk about Toxic Masculinity — and that rhymes with toxic stupidity. Men, or those who see themselves to be so virile and manly, have convinced themselves that there are certain things that they are not supposed to do. Some of these things include delivering flowers on Valentine’s Day, or going out on dates, on any day. The argument has always been that their levels of toxic masculinity prevents them from doing that. Ideally, they have never defined what TM really is, or what would happen to them if they did all the things they are against.
Many a time, they sound odd. Even silly and stupid when they say that they cannot cook because of TM or that their TM prevents them from having more than two pairs of socks or boxers or even shoes.
During the Men’s Conference, certain men, those who supposedly go against the rules of TM, were not welcome because they are turncoats, spies who are out to help in the elimination and emasculation of men.
I cannot tell whether I am a hopeless romantic, but I can confirm that for the most, if not all, of my life, I have been a man, and yet, I find some of the things that define TM or the things being discussed at the Men’s Conference to be absurd. I do not want to overuse the word stupid, but any man who cannot cook because cooking goes against the ethos and ethics of manhood is a wimp who does not deserve to eat — anything, anywhere and mostly in the bedroom.
I am not a relationship expert, and I do not want to be one because I lack all the characteristics of a con or a liar, but I want to trust that cooking (for your woman) earns you Brownie Points and not only feeds your relationship but helps in keeping the fire burning — whatever that is.
Cooking, like having sex is a basic skill, and any man who cannot cook, or does not want to cook, should never have an erection, and thus, engage in any subsequent act, because he is a limping wimp, a total bore.
Men, supposedly love having sex, but none of them has ever admitted that there is a school they attended sexual skills were taught. Admitting that akin to confessing that they are not good at it, and so, they can’t.
Now, cooking, like eating, is a basic skill just like having sex and there is no school where these skills are taught. So, a man who cannot cook, or does not want to cook, and prides himself in his inability to fix a meal, is a disgrace to the human race and should not attend Men’s Conference because his toxicity, and idiocy, can wipe out a generation.
Don’t get me wrong though. I am not against Men’s Conference. As a matter of fact, I would want men to hold them every day and discuss all the issues affecting them and find ways of avoiding the women who want to emasculate them and eventually eliminate them from the face of the earth.
Yes, they should also tell each other that there is nothing wrong with having more than two pairs of clean socks and boxers and shoes that do not smell. They should talk about the negative aspects of TM, and flowers — where to buy them at and how to carry them on Valentine’s Day or how to deliver them on any day, and then leaving for the Men’s Conference.
This is a plea to all the women out there. Allow your men to attend the Men’s Conference. The more they talk, the more they will understand that the problem is not you, but them. That is how they will learn the negative effects of toxic masculinity, and that rhymes with stupidity — and how to be better lovers, caregivers, flower carriers, and who knows, even feminists. Non-toxic of course.
mclay@standardmedia.co.ke
The writer, an editor at Standard Group, cooks for free