Benjamin Franklin, the United States statesman was wrong. There are three things certain in life, not two. He said, only death and taxes but I think he forgot to mention heartbreaks. Everyone is guaranteed that one heartbreak that reminds them, how evil humans can be.
The human capacity to disappoint is one of the most understated and miscalculated human phenomena besides the advertised merits of democracy. You must experience them in person for you to understand what they are.
And we are all poor at handling heartbreaks. Few can afford eating at the heartbreak hotel. This is because breakups that lead to heartbreaks touch the core of our confidence. When someone leaves you, it makes you question yourself.
For women, they mostly dwell on the physical traits, wondering if it was the stretch marks, the love handles, the forehead, or whatever they imagine that drives men away. For men, they always question their financial status, their height and everything they have said or done in the relationship. And both are often wrong.
Breakups that disorient us always come when we are fairly young, usually in the 20s, and often in college. As it happens, rarely do two people can be 100 per cent mutually in love. There is always an imbalance. One of the partners are usually more serious in the relationship than the other. And as soon as there is a better and attractive package, they jump ship, onto the next.
It is particularly tricky for women within the ages of 20-26, because they are in demand. At any given time, she might need a man her age for her ego and to help with the assignment. And at any given time, an older man is normally more mature and better equipped to attend to her sexual and material needs than a man her age. So occasionally, she might switch these two men, often to the detriment of the other.
Men, on other hand, can love a woman, but soon or later their interest wears off. They meet other prettier, and less demanding women than their partners and many are given to dumping their present love for the newer catch.
The problem is that all these happens when the party that is being left is not prepared at all. Usually, they are too deep in love to even contemplate a heartbreak when the news arrive. And many do go into depression. Many do stay single for an inordinate amount of time. Some do end up hating on the other sex so much they even change their orientation.
Yet, this need not be the case. All we need to know that once in our lives the person we love most will have to dump us and from then on, we have to live with someone we may not love as much as the first lover. Once we have that mental preparation that crap can happen, it puts us in a better place to adjust quickly and move on.
For those who were not meant to stay will always leave and move on. Having them stay in our minds is a waste of time. So be ready for the eventual disappointment, but in the meantime, do savour every juicy bit of the relationship. And when you break up, you will regret less.
@nyanchwani snyanchwani@standardmedia.co.ke