Dear Uncle Ted
I am 34 years old and for three years, I have lied to my relatives that I have a wife in Nairobi though they have never seen her.
Every Christmas I cheat them she is either held up at work or that she’s rushed home to see her ailing mother.
Now, my parents and uncles have decided to visit me next week to meet her. Worse of all, I told them she is five-months pregnant. What do I do?
Muraguri
First, I must congratulate you for pulling off such a stupid scam for so long. I am assuming that you’re in the market for some dada to play bibi briefly.
But how do you get a preggers woman? That’s a tough call. You might have to settle for some of those mamas with huge layers of ‘tyres’ around the midsection and hope to pull that off. Naah!
You’re so screwed! You know the old folk can smell a pregnancy a mile away. There’s no getting out of this short of killing your imaginary wife.... which in itself will lead to more problems with matters funeral.
You know what, this is just stupid, sema kupatikana!