BY CAROLINE NYANGA

Alemba

Pulse: If you had five minutes to do something interesting as an emcee what would it be?

Alemba: It depends on the crowd. If it were an event involving both gospel and secular fans then I would look for three things. I would find out which hoods they come from, if they are football fans either supporting Man United or Arsenal, and lastly ensure that the deejay plays their favourite music.

P: Imagine Sadiq bald or in cornrows?

A: Very funny! He would look like an Ohangla artiste such as Osogo Winyo. He would specialise in playing shakers.

P: Judging from his looks what profession other than music would suit him best?

A: A film vendor specialising in Chinese copied flicks in a kibanda in Huruma estate. He would earn an extra Sh10 from his customers who would come and watch Chinese movies in his kibanda.

P: If you were in his shoe what would you do differently?

A: I would try and smile more often besides investing in a lip balm. Sometimes his lips get so dry yaani imesunda.

P: Sadiq as a makanga…

A: would be a boring combination. He dislikes noisy music, so he would be known as Lizanza, a tout in route 56 which plies between Nairobi’s Railways and Kanungaga.

P: Imagine him as a Lingala deejay in Simmers?

A: He will be beaten in a minute. He will be then forced to tobina (dance) before he can turn to gospel Lingala music as a consolation. This will be followed by shouts of ye aza moto mabe (a Lingala for you are a bad person).

P: As a traditional Luhya artiste…

A: He would be called Martin Shikwekwe specialising in litungu at a John Saga Welcome and Know Each Other Pub and Butchery.

P: If Jesus came back today what would you tell Him?

A: I would request Him to give me another chance to bring more people into the kingdom of God.

P: As a Kenyan president…

A: I would focus on influencing the youth positively and urge them not give up in life no matter how difficult the situation may seem.

P: In Nollywood block buster what role would Sadiq land?

A: Due to his dark complexion he would be one of the extras who chomas mahindi in a remote rural area.

P: If you were to go out on a date with either Jelimo or Conjestina who would it be?

A: It would be Jelimo. My aim would be to find out what keeps her going besides the money and fame.

P: If you woke up one morning only to find that you are Sadiq how would you react?

A: I would get something to lighten my skin kiasi or simply spend most of my time in the house away from the sun.

SADIQ

Pulse: If you had five minutes to churn out five songs to hype up the crowd, which would spin?

Sadiq: They would comprise Napesi by Makoma, Superior by Gentleman, Coupe De Carle by Daddy Owen, Stomp by Kirk Franklin and Omundu Mulosi by Joseph Shisia.

P: What suits Alemba bald or cornrows?

S: A bald Alemba would pass for an Ohangla artiste, while as in cornrows he would pass for a DVD vendor, popularly known to his customers as ma-dvd.

P: Judging from his looks what profession other than music would suit him best?

S: A makanga in route 71, Lunga Lunga area. He actually looks like one of them.

P: If you were in his shoes what would you do differently?

S: As far as my music and emceeing goes I would strive to market myself more to be able to cut across big gigs with corporate events. At the same time I would do something about my forehead, which appears to protrude kiasi.

P: What of a Lingala musician and emcee?

S: If he were to sing or emcee in front of a huge crowd then everyone would fall fast sleep when he begins his second stanza.

P: As a traditional Kikuyu artiste…

S: Rongeo Kimenia Wa Moniu would be his name performing at a Makuti Club.

P: If Jesus came back today what would you tell Him?

S: To give me sometime in order to get myself a wife and kids before He can return back.

P: As a Kenyan president…

S: I would ensure that transparency is upheld in all public offices.

I would also initiate more jobs for the youth besides training them and making sure that the available youth projects are boosted.

P: If Alemba landed a role in Nollywood, which would it, be?

S: An okada man (Boda Boda rider).

P: If you were to go out on a date with either Jelimo or Conjestina who would it be?

S: Conje for security purposes.

P: If you woke up one morning only to find that you are Alemba how would you react?

S: I would shave my dreadlocks and buy myself a lip balm.