Handshake mannerisms of some Kenyans will surprise you

Before I take the honour of introducing you to my good friend, let me begin by stating that he is a good fellow and neither I nor my close circle of friends hate him, though we sometimes run away from him. In fact, so good and generous is he, that we have baptised him 'Mtu Mpoa.'

The words happy or jovial cannot fully describe him. Calling him a happy man is in fact an understatement. He always wears a radiant smile on his face. He should actually take on 'Happy' as his second name.

Having made myself clear, let me repeat that we don't detest him as a person, what we detest is his way of greeting people. He will greet you like a true African man. That should not be a problem, but then, there is that rumour that this guy is a stone mason, hence his palm is as hard as the stones he works on. The other part of the rumour is that he has at one point been a member of a certain gym, hence very strong and muscular. In fact, so strong is he that he can possibly give Floyd Mayweather a knockout, should he challenge him to a boxing match.

Now, allow me to herd you all back to his manner of greeting people. The guy starts preparing to greet you from a distance. He lifts up his hand, with the palm being wide open. He then brings his hand towards you with such force that you might think he wants to slap you. Then follows the loud impact between you palm and his palm, as they embrace tightly in is commonly referred to as a greeting. By then, most of us are fighting back tears as a result of the pain, which blinds you temporarily as your eyes hallucinate, making you see pink stars.

As if that is not enough, 'Mtu Mpoa' will hold your hand tightly, while shaking it and saying:

"How are you my friend? Siku mingi sana! sana! Sana!"

You stand firmly as you try to hold your feet on the ground, but you end up being thrown this way and that way like a piece of paper. I met him a few days ago and as a result, I am still recovering from his greeting. Painful greeting indeed!