Men unwittingly swap wives and fight after rude discovery

By Kahawa Tungu

Everyone has their own tale about how they met their partner, but wacky unions are our claim to fame in our part of the clouds.

Take the case of Maulid, for example.

He is happily married to a damsel he rescued from the distress of her husband, and he swears by her name nowadays. A totally common scenario you might say, but that is because you have no idea the fellow from whose bed Maulid raided to get his wife is the cowboy who in turn stole his wife.

The blokes literally swapped their wives. And since both are my customers at Kahawa Tungu, they way they relate to each other every time they drop by for a drink is hilarious.

Whenever the two are in the cafe, suspicion is palpable and the rest of the customers always keep their eyes peeled and ears close to the ground to catch a whiff of the subtle barbs that the duo is always trading.

We refer to them as mwanyumbas (co husbands). 

Like the other day while we were discussing the celebration to mark the birth of the prophet, Maulid came in and sat across the table from his mwanyumba. It did not take long before pure mess hit the fan.

“I prefer keeping my distance from lowlifes lest I get contaminated by what afflicts their kind,” he offers, soon after taking his seat and making an order for a mag of kahawa Tungu.

Salvo

Wololo! The first salvo had been fired. Yellow bellied cowards who did not want to be around when fists begin to fly across, excused themselves and left. As for the rest of us, it has been long since we saw a good fight and we, therefore, hung around waiting for the free entertainment that was in the offing.

All the time, his Mwanyumba, Muhiddin who was nursing his drink at the opposite end of the table was busy speaking on the phone to none other than his sweetheart; you guessed it right, the woman he snatched from Maulid.

And their ‘loud’ conversation was quite an entertaining sideshow. “Mpenzi you were saying again the reason you love me is that I make you forget your ex who always came short,” he said, for all to hear.

“Kuwa mpole honey, (calm down). Don’t spoil your day with unpleasant memories. Si am good enough for you,” he said, all the while looking slyly at his enemy.

Hook

At that, Maulid could take it no longer. He leapt to where Muhiddin was seated and connected a left hook to the side of his head that smashed the phone to smithereens.

A scuffle ensued and we had to quickly rush to the scene and pull them apart.

“You have to pay for my phone you body snatcher!” yelled Muhiddin.

“Just ask your ‘wife’ how tough I can get before you joke with me in future,” shot back Maulid.

“Why don’t you guys switch wives again,” suggested Twalibu.

This they would never do but the thought of their wife with the other boo was killing them softly. Mwanaume ni effort (a man is determined by his effort), the adage goes.