By Hamza Babu

Kenya: In our part of the world, we have varied options of dealing with disease. There are those who take the sick to hospital, and there are those who are inclined towards traditional medicine.

But whenever we discover that our society has been infiltrated by a sabasi (slanderer and rumour monger), the situation gets tricky. Because we just don’t have an idea of how to treat such malady.

There is no known cure for this kind of social disease that has driven a wedge between a man and his wife.

The ailment seems to afflict women more, maybe because they have more time on their hands to propagate rumours. Unlike men who are always busy at work.

Idle men

But when idle men outgrow their pastime of optimistically watching women’s backsides, which are always drifting away from them and take up gossip as a pastime, then we have a problem, a serious one for that matter.

The mongers who spread discord sometimes visit Kahawa Tungu where they sit down and start discussing the affairs of other people.

They seem to be taking a cue from the Bible, which states that if one is unashamed, they can go ahead and do whatever they please.

These fellows lean close to each other, whispering like disgruntled housewives as they dart their shameless eyes all over the place.

They then startle you with sporadic raucous laughter that makes everyone wonder whether they are the subjects under discussion.

Lovers

 This morning when they took their seat at the darkest corner of the establishment, I dutifully placed a buli (kettle) of my brew with a few small cups so they could serve themselves.

Then the fellows started leaning towards each other like lovers and the conversation started earnestly in sotto voce (whispers). Throughout the conversation, they shamelessly swept their eyes across the cafe making other customers feel uncomfortable. Interestingly, nobody dared move lest they be thought weak or afraid.

It’s a mental kind of challenge where if the cap fits, wear it and if it doesn’t, pay no attention.

Just then Hamudi, the plumber arrived with sweat pouring down his shirt.

 He headed straight to where the gossips were seated.

“I want to know who among you is spreading rumours about me!” he charged at them, with his big chest puffed up.

Ranted

“How can anyone say that I plumbed the wizard’s wife? Why do you guys want my manhood cursed for no reason!” he raved and ranted and because everybody was fed up with the duo, people joined in and it turned out to be a lynch mob for the duo.

“Wapewe kichapo (beat them up),” some shouted. Wapakwe hina (beautify them with henna art) to make them real women,” others suggested.

When matters threatened to get out of hand, we sat the duo on the floor of Kahawa Tungu and threatened to wash their mouths up with soap if they were to ever talk about any of the customers again.

We treat illness with medicine, but male gossips we shall castrate?” declared Hamudi and everyone approved with a “yeees!” unison.