Exam cheating? Even our parents did it!

By Bill Odunga

I think we have resigned ourselves to accepting that Kenya is a cheating nation. We cheat to win, and I can bet my measly government loan that most of these big shot honchos swirling around leather seats behind a door marked ‘CEO’ cut a few corners to make it there.

We cheat in almost every aspect of our lives. Legislators rig themselves into office, women lie about their hair and skin tone, and men lie about their marital status for a one-night-stand.

It, therefore, should not come as a surprise that students resort to mwakenyas to pass exams. The truth is that this art has been refined since the inception of examination rooms. Even our forefathers did this during their time. It began by drafting little pieces of paper with squiggles on it and since then, not much has changed.

Enhancing grades

The wheel hasn’t been changed but the name has. Some don’t consider it cheating — its just ‘enhancing one’s grade’.

This past week was exam week in most universities, and I noticed a few peculiarities akin to exam days. For instance, women noticeably wear skirts. I never understood the rationale behind it until I sat next to one.

Apparently, they scribble brief notes on their thighs such that when they sit, the hem of their dress towers just above knees. The trick is to ensure the skirt is not too long to raise eyebrows when reaching out for the secret wisdom, and not too short to reveal their mwaks (notes). Of course, any male invigilator who dares check a lady’s thigh before getting into an exam room would attract the fire of feminists who would skin him alive for sexual harassment.

For guys on the other hand, it’s old school. No need to make the wheel square when its inventors made it round. They sneak in with papers stuck inside their boxers and then sit in formation for convenient and effective flow of knowledge.

Our parents are always quick to point out in vane tones about how they excelled in school. But just so you know, all that big talk about hard work and diligence is mere sales talk. Truth is, they, too, used to cheat. If, indeed, all of them were that smart like they claim, our economy would be booming.

I don’t know about you but in my campus, we call it kupanga kazi.