By Jackie Ojiambo
The shop cashier ignores you and continues with his phone chitchat or to chat with his co-worker. You return an item to a shop and the salesperson keeps you waiting a long time and doesn’t bother to apologise or say ‘thank you,’ ‘have a nice day’ or even ‘goodbye.’
How to respond to rudeness is a common etiquette dilemma. Why can’t we just be mad and push them back, shout at them and give them a piece of our minds? You actually have a choice: Speak up or say nothing. Most of us ignore rudeness because we fear a quarrel could escalate or sometimes the rude behaviour takes place so fast we don’t have a chance to react. Staying cool and pleasant is the best way to counter rudeness and the bonus is that your good manners could be contagious.
Here are some guidelines on how to respond to rudeness:
Practise empathy, warmth and genuineness: Always treat everybody with dignity and respect. If you choose to tell them the truth they don’t want to hear, go ahead but do not demean them. We’re in this human experience called life together and we need each other.
Count to ten: It sounds overrated, but it always helps to take a few deep breaths. It helps you consider whether the issue is really worth blowing your stack over.
Don’t take it personally: The offender may be having a bad day. Take the focus off your hurt feelings by imagining what he might be going through — an ill spouse or they missed the staff van and got to work late.
Make light of it: Working at a front desk many years back, I vividly recall this customer who said “Jackie, we could do with a smile!” It actually made me smile back. If you can’t come up with a friendly joke, just chuckle and change the subject.
Size up your annoyances: Will it accomplish anything to make a scene about the person who has a large trolley at the express items counter or will it just be a waste of your emotional energy.
Rudeness begets rudeness: If you yell at a cashier in the supermarket, don’t be surprised if you get back the same treatment. Set a good example.
Give them ‘the look’: A pointed look that says someone is bothering you with his inconsiderate actions may do the trick. Many people do not realise that their conversation or action is actually annoying those around them until they are made aware of it. This is simple yet effective way of communicating your displeasure.
The writer is an etiquette consultant with Etiquette Essentials
