Attending a Church service ought to be a purely sacred and an uninterrupted session.
With time though, things have changed, including new breed of believers dubbed ‘remote control worshipers’ who flip through TV channels to catch sermons at the comfort of their costly seats on the day of worship.
Then there are those who must show up not necessarily to nourish their souls but with different intentions, thus a keen observer will notice various types of church goers as the ten listed below.
1. The late comer
In order to politely tell flock that arriving in time to nourish is key, some places of worship have well displayed order of services on the notice boards or at the entrance.
Others have installed huge bells that can be heard kilometres away but still, the lazy bones will arrive sweating like pigs less than 10 minutes before the last prayer.
2. The busy body
Even when the place of worship has loudspeakers, you will still find somebody seated close to poking your shoulder asking you “unakula neno kweli?” or inching closer to ask you, si yule jamaa anapenda wasichana!
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3. Nursing mothers with crying babies
In attempt to allow uninterrupted sermons, some houses of worship have nursing rooms or playgrounds for kids or even Sunday Schools but still Mama Kanisa will tag along noisy toddlers who will uncontrollably wail during the sermon thus disturbing the rest.
4. Wana wapotevu
For reasons only known to them, some folks vanish for months then show up in the middle of the service not only making Wanakondoo crane their necks but these fellows will go around greeting everyone to announce their second coming.
5. Anti-radar
Then there are those who show up but when the clergy is feeding the flock, are busy checking who is not around only to realise midway that they have not picked anything then start disturbing those seated closer asking “Mchungaji amesema nini.”
6. Dozers
Like number five above, there are those who find comfort in church seats. Minutes after settling down on the upper rows they fall asleep for hours until they drool and only wake up during the closing payer.
7. Fashionistas
Majority who find themselves here are women who are known to be irked whenever they arrive to worship ‘dressed to kill’ with intention of attracting everyone’s attention only to realise other three women have donned a similar Kitenge.
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8. Mushy couples
Unlike at the bar where the chances of someone grabbing someone’s wife for dance after the husband has chewed blackout is high, you’ll still find some couples showing up in church while holding hands and even displacing others so as to sit next to each other. In between, you will notice Mama Watoto wiping beads of sweat trickling down from hubby’s face.
9. Over-zealously saved
Everyone has their own way of interpreting and understanding the teachings but for others, their response can leave the rest with questions if they are reading from the same script. They are the ones who clap continuously and jump in a manner likely to suggest that anajazwa roho ukiona.
10. Social media gurus
Apart from taking photos to share on various online platforms with caption s such as #ChurchManeno’s these folks will be scrolling through their phones from beginning to the end of the service and even laughing loud or poking others asking others “unaweza nipiga picha nikiomba?”
