Nairobi’s River Road-based manufactures of fake academic papers have urged this year’s national examination candidates not to panic over the tough examination rules and regulations that stop them from cheating.
The forgers have reminded candidates that all is not lost since there are fake certificates and corruption to fall back on. Speaking at one of their printing firms along River Road where they had congregated for their three-day annual convention, the forgers assured candidates that as long as they have money they could get certificates showing whatever grade they want without having to sweat for it.
“Just because you will not be able to cheat your way through school does not mean it is the end of life... we can still get you a certificate that shows you were an ‘A’ student, even when you don’t know what that means...We have helped many dunderheads, some of whom are now leading politicians,” said the chairman of the Forgers Allied Union (FAU).
The chairman, who was wearing counterfeit Calvin Klein sunglasses believed to be from a sweatshop in China, went on to tell the candidates that this setback is temporary and life for them in Kenya was just beginning.
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“Let nothing discourage you; this is just the start of things. As long as you have money of course. There are thousands and thousands of ready degree and diploma certificates just waiting to bear your name. These will open doors to places you have never dreamt of; county assembly, parliament, civil service... heck even practising as a quack pastor, witchdoctor, doctor, anything really. There’s enough room for dishonest people in the country,” said the FAU chair while going on to cite famous Kenyan politicians he had secured certificates for.
While business is looking up for the forgers, the FAU boss was quick to urge candidates not to take matters into their own hands and to resist the urge to seek revenge if they happen to meet an official from the Ministry of Education in a dark alley.
“If you were really looking forward to cheating but you were unable to, you are a lead we can easily convert to a sale with our fake degree and diploma certificates but if you commit murder or something you will go to jail and that would be lost business. Even if you missed all the business education classes at least you know it is more expensive to acquire a new client than to retain the old one,” the chairman explained.
While closing the convention, where to be admitted all you had to present was a forged invitation card, the FAU boss had pearls of wisdom to offer the candidates.
“It might have been unnecessarily difficult for you to cheat in the exams but rest assured that there are numerous other dishonest avenues in this economy you can use to get ahead. All you need to do is ensure that your determination to get ahead in life dishonestly does not die,” added the FAU chair.
In a related development, the tough measures taken to curb exam cheating have also found owners of unregistered colleges salivating at the prospects staring them in the face. Speaking at an unlicensed meeting, a group of unregistered backstreet college owners used the media opportunity accorded to them to remind KCSE candidates that they will admit them to any degree course of their choice regardless of what they score. They assured them that cut-off points are discriminatory and go against the spirit of the constitution and thus will not be applied in admissions.
“The only papers we need to see are bank notes!” they said.
