By Miss Deegee
So I was having one of those lazy moments where your mind just wanders off, aimlessly floating useless facts and memories. You know, lucid dreams that have no basis.
I found myself thinking about a guy I met after being single for what seemed to me like eternity. It was random and not so memorable because I can’t seem to remember the circumstances, but I immediately placed him in the ‘maybe’ pile and agreed to a coffee date. Finally we had dinner. I agreed to cook, because well, I am a damn good cook.
He arrived disturbingly early and when I looked outside there was no car, so I did not know how he arrived and, more importantly, how he was going to leave. I cooked and he ate and was polite enough to say thank you and clear his plate. Frankly speaking, it wasn’t magical but I was keeping an open mind.
Then he found out that he wasn’t going to stay and his true colours came shining through. "I am disappointed!" he stated as he had anticipated a great night with a happy ending.
In the same breath he admitted that his friend had dropped him off, to leave in the morning.
"I am cash strapped so can you please give me money for the cab?" I waited for him to declare he was joking, but he didn’t because but he wasn’t. I gave him the money and sent him away.
Spending on a guy
Fast forward today, I have some pretty clear-cut the rules when it comes to spending money on the chap I am dating. You know, those unpleasant rules of thumb that are more often than not left to linger somewhere in the air. As you all know (if you read this column regularly) I generally don’t have a problem paying or splitting bills. In retrospect, I should have thrown my date off the balcony but instead I came up with some commandments, ten of them because generally commandments come in tens. Sharing is caring, grab your pens and learn a thing or two. You can thank me later.
1. Ladies, listen, you do not spend money to help him ‘set up a business’. Not unless you are a billionaire and he needs Sh10,000. I hear some of you take loans with crazy interests to finance pipe dreams and crazy endeavours. Stop the madness. I am just saying!
2. Don’t spend money on his offspring. I don’t care how cute and sweet they are — it’s his responsibility to pay for their food and tuition and whatever else they need.
3. Don’t help him out with his rent. There is nothing more to be discussed on this matter.
4. Clothes as gift items should not include suits and shoes.
5. You especially do not pick his tab at the bar after a night of drinking.
6. Fuel his car in moderation and limit it to trips you’re party to, not his camping trip without you. Word on the street is some of you women are financing road trips with his boys (and some girls).
7. Don’t send him to pay your bills. It’s awkward when he ‘forgets’ (and he will forget), spends the money on himself, vows to return it and then you have to deal with the awkwardness of debt collection.
8. Do not buy him furniture! What the hell is wrong with you?
And if you are silly enough to purchase furniture for his house because you are pretty sure that some day soon it will be your house and then he marries some other girl he met at some work event, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
9. Legal fees for whatever trouble he is in is not only indicative that you are signing up for regular prison visits, it is also an outright bad debt.
10. Most importantly don’t take a loan out for him in your name. If you don’t know what to do with that information, you are not grown enough to be dating.
