Hi Chris!
Nothing in my life ever goes right, like my computer freezes at just the worst possible moment or there’s a traffic jam whenever I’m running late. My husband says I’m imagining things and that I see the dark side of everything. I know that side of me annoys him, so is there anything I can do to help things go better?
Dark Side
Chris says,
Hi Dark Side!
You’re a pessimist and expect everything to go wrong! While an optimist assumes that everything will go well. And they’re generally right, because optimists learn a set of skills which make things go better. You can too.
Like working on improving a presentation that went badly, rather than giving up.
Pessimism does pay some of the time, though. As computers freeze, there are traffic jams. So you should constantly save your work and set off early.
But mostly, it’s better to be an optimist.
So, try thinking through things that have happened to you from both a positive and a negative point of view. And when you find yourself thinking about something negative, try rewording it into an optimistic viewpoint.
Think like a lawyer and construct arguments against your negativity. Like, if you think you’re awful at presentations, ask yourself whether the silence was really because people weren’t interested. Maybe they were concentrating.
Or maybe you feel unattractive? That’s a common feeling, so consider the evidence! Has anyone ever said something nice about you? They probably have. And just because one person didn’t like you, that doesn’t mean no one will. And who are you comparing yourself to anyway? Celebrity models are only famous because so few of us are that perfect. So seek out the people who like you the way you are! Be content with your body, or maybe go to the gym. But don’t conclude that your life’s permanently wrecked!
So don’t overthink your negative feelings. Instead, find explanations that increase your confidence and encourage you to do better next time. Prepare well, set off for meetings on time and save your documents frequently!
All the best,
Chris
