Let's face it, Kenya probably has the worst customer service

I am sucker for good service, customer service.

I can be loyal to a business for years, if their customer service is on point. However, customer service in Kenya sucks!

A quick visit to an MPESA dealer is a good place to start. Hey, naweza deposit 2,000bob? You ask cheerily.

The agent, or whoever ameachiwa kazi, will take their time to raise their heads from their mobile phones, magazine or whoever they are speaking to.

A sneer will most likely be the first expression, whether the answer is positive or negative.

Despite your mood significantly dropping, you have no choice but to transact since the service down the road is very likely the same.

Eateries are probably the worst affected businesses when it comes to service.

It is not unusual to walk into a joint, crane your neck trying to look for a spot, and then wait close to 30 minutes before any waiting staff shows remote interest in you.

And even then the staff, especially women….I am ashamed to admit…since they are one of us, will stroll to your table and with an extremely bored expression, ask for your order.

The menu will be tattered on an oily piece of laminated paper and the table will have been wiped with a soggy cloth that will leave tracts on the surface and a faint, sometimes strong scent.

Any clarifications you seek will be met with an irritated look and an eye roll…and it will not be subtle. It’s like you are supposed to be extremely well informed of whatever menu choices being served.

They will then bring the sauces and cutlery a whole 1 hour before the meal actually arrives.

But moving away from the eateries, let’s talk salons.

Urgh…there is nothing worse than a hairdresser having a bad day. She will jerk your head, pull your hair and if you are lucky she might be the one doing your mani pedi’s. Your poor cuticles will be in for a rough time.

And what is it with salons being gossip centers? I will say this; there is nothing charming about badmouthing anyone….anywhere, least of all in a public place. It is even less charming when the hairdressers are gossiping among themselves while their clients are seated right there.

But nothing, absolutely nothing drives me up the wall than a salon in the urban city where the staffs speak their mother tongue, yet they serve clients from different tribes.

After a bad day in the hairdressers, you find your way to a shop, mart or supermarket. Here you will find a totally disinterested shopkeeper, attendant or cashier.

Why do they get irritated when you ask an attendant for guidance on where to find a certain product?

The conductors and seat fillers will be waiting for you outside. Their deceptive, aki mami hii gari ni express. Usijali, inajaa saa hii, they say, only for you to board and find just 2 people who are probably not even passengers.

They will badger and even use expletives when they demand for the fare. The driver will swing the matatu left right and center as if he is transporting sacks of potatoes.

The music will go against all safety regulations while the neon lights would probably send an epileptic into a fit. Pieces of metal will probably be jutting out in different places making legroom a serious gem.

When you finally safely make it home, the first thing you would need to confront will be blackout on your phase, probably your building alone. Why, you ask the caretaker or the agent.

There is a problem with your line, he says.

I know that, this is the umpteenth time this has happened. Why can’t it be sorted?

Caretaker shrugs.

You want to move to a better spot, but your finances can only get you that far.

So you sigh and decide to let it slide, until you open the door and your house girl has left, with no notice.

I feel it’s time for better customer service in Kenya. So I will be rolling out different customer service rules in different industries; but top on the list, how to be a good customer care.

Read more of Njambi Mungai's articles on her blog https://goo.gl/SZvjWd