The dowry debate

The bride price sought has been going up the roof lately while marriages merely attain the one year mark, begging the question, should bride price be refunded? ALLAN OLINGO explores

Thinking about the twelve days Zimbabwean Prime Minister, Morgan Tsvangirai, was traditionally married to businesswoman, Locadia Karimatsenga Tembo, one is reminded of the Christmas traditional song sung at this time of year; The Twelve Days of Christmas, when each day was traditionally said to count the grand gifts given over the days between Christmas and the Feast of Epiphany.

But for PM Tsvangirai, the twelve days sadly enumerate a grand gift of bride price he paid for his short-lived marriage. In a record twelve days, he had paid dowry and broke an engagement thanks to political forces that had ‘hijacked’ his marriage.

The Zimbabwean PM’s saga comes hot in the heals of the separation of reality TV star, Kim Kardashian to her husband Kris Humphries, in a marriage that lasted a mere 72 days.

Even as much as there is no information concerning whether bride price was paid, however, Kris gave Kim a Sh180 million worth 20.5 carat diamond engagement ring.

Interestingly, Kris has gone to court to annul his 72-day marriage to Kim, on grounds of fraud and filed papers late last week.

On the other hand, Tsvangirai’s ‘divorce’ occured a fortnight after paying a hefty amount for dowry and this begs the questions, should he be refunded the bride price?

Commitment

What usually happens in the traditional Kenyan set up? Is there a provision for dowry refund?

Amongst the Luo, dowry is paid according to the capacity and ability of the suitor. In the past, dowry paid among the community was in form of beads, hoes, spears, axes, and iron products. But in recent times, it varies from 16 cows, 30 goats plus money.

Dowry payment is essentially a show of commitment and agreement. It has no commercial value but social satisfaction.

According to Felix Owego Okatch, a Luo historian, there was a token payment called ayie (I have accepted), which symbolised that the groom had accepted to take the bride to his home as wife for good.

Says Okatch: "Ayie is not refundable, even when the marriage negotiations fail. In the old days, it used to be around Sh1,000, but in the modern times, it is around Sh10,000 to the minimum. This ‘gift’ is just an expression of interest that says you have decided to marry the girl."

In the Luo tradition, the dowry payment and agreement is a ghost contract that upon its payment, the payer receives the bride. It is done publicly at day time and in the presence of close relatives and in-laws from both sides of the divide.

Okatch says that after the ayie is accepted, one then prepares to pay the bride price (nyombo), which is usually in form of cows most of the time.

Interestingly, when the marriage fails just like Tsvangirai’s, the cows are returned.

"However, if you pay the nyombo in cash, it then ceases to be refundable. This is because disclosing the amount one had paid was regarded a taboo (chira). Asking for it back meant one had to mention the figure, which would amount to a curse," says Okatch.

Therefore, whatever the amount, dowry paid in form of cash was never refunded, a measure put in place to discourage paying bride price in cash. The offsprings of livestock given out as dowry stayed at the woman’s place when the cows and goats were refundable.

Non refundable

Amongst the Agikuyu, bride price was never refundable. Actually most of the time, there always was a pending ‘loan’ because they believe one can never finish paying bride price.

"A group of elders from the groom’s side usually take with them small gifts of dried foods such as rice, wheat, sugar, tea and cooking oil, which is served as an ‘opener’ for negotiations with the bride to be family. In the event that negotiations failed, these goods were never refunded," says Charles Kirogo.

According to Kirogo, dowry is still negotiated in terms of cows, goats, and honey and once the price has been determined, it is then converted into cash. "The elders leave a down payment and the balance can take years to pay. For this reasons, the bride price is always a ‘loan’ and this makes it hard to demand a refund in case the marriage fails," says Kirogo.

He says in the Gikuyu traditions, whatever the cause of a marriage break up, nothing warranted a refund, especially if you had had children together.

"The customs prohibited dowry to be refunded and refunding it would make the wife look like a commodity to be bought. And even then, you can’t get a refund for something you have been having for a while!" Kirogo adds.

Amongst the Luhyas, every time an item equivalent to a cow or bull was paid as dowry, a short stick was cut and marked and then tied on the little bundle of similar sticks denoting earlier items paid as dowry. The girl’s parents kept one bundle while the groom’s parents went away with the other for record keeping.

These bundles were kept safely in case the marriage did not work, or would end up in a divorce, in which case some of the items had to be refunded.