By Smitta Smitten
‘Makmende Makmende Makmende’ … that was the virtual vybe of Kenyans all of last week, in cyberspace, bars n cafes — as Pulsers n Pulsaters strove to out-makmende each other on jokes n updates.
‘Makmende’ may be new, but he just the laytest ‘Kenyan’ phenomenon (although he might be our first fad to have made it into the prejistous ‘Ukuta Street’ journa).
Everyone had sumzing to say about Makmende — our very own homegrown Jack Bauer/Superman, wit the chuo boy’s tie n an afro, who’s like the ‘First Body’ in the world — n straight out of the 80s.
I still recall the First Body in our Praima, a guy from Kiserian calld Geoffree Zimbo who, unfortunately, waz as thick as he was thickset. In Class Six after histo, I nicknamed the dude ‘Zimbo, the Zinja’ n he wekead me ‘wanted,’ before we broke for Easter hols, n gave me the hidin’ of a lifetime. Zinja, if ya readin’ this, all I can say is "nye nye nye nye nyeeee, yu can’t catch me."
Makmende mania
This dude evn got advice on how to extend his popularity from intellectually half-cooked entertainment ryters who semad he should "get a love interest" (yet the ‘unclich’e’ way he bounces from the dudette at the end — a the Ha-He video totally adds to his cool-o-meterix!).
Tha only thang I can say is ‘Makmende’ phenomena will last until World Cup, then the amnesia of the omena minds of many miros will move on to other fish ta fry — like World Cup.
In tha meantime, there will be ‘mogekoyos’ in River Road – I printin’ T-shos with ‘Makmende’ on the front, n quotes like ‘Death had a near Makmende experience’ at the back, as Just-A-Band bask in the glow of ‘fifteen minutes o’ Kenyan style fame,’ n pirates mint chinky on they’a name. Thaz juzz the way this thug town u-perates.
I feel a lil ill for ‘Jua Cali’ releasin’ his creative Miaka video-shizzle same week as ‘Makmende’ hit. N yu can bet ya belt (n the boxers underneath) dat the mara hiyo hiyo thing that waz just beginning to catch fire has been 4ever squashed under the Makmende craze.
So, watt other Kenyan crazes a-been a-foot o’er da years, dat seized the Kinyan mind, at least 4 a bit, n mostly created by the zizki industry in the country?
Well, there waz the tyme (I tink twas last year) dat savedies decided everything was Muhadhara, n Jimmie Gait shot to fame on the strength of one song, yet the real muzik genius for gos-po (n I ne’er use dat word ‘genius’ lightly, like some genuine **ses do) is Juliani!
Y can’t our young men be genuine n admit dat if a sukari mummy in a Landi landed in they lives, n sausage fungad ‘em, or carried em off as ‘prawn gockotail’, they’d only be ‘too wirring,’ pfft pfft pfft? Thaz where de Naijas beat us. T’least they honest about they greed wen it kujas to matters o’ cheddar.
Talking naija
N talkin’ ‘Nijja,’ remember wen everything waz Yori Yori this, n ‘Welly Welly’ dat? Even ringtones were all set on ‘Yori Yori’ mode, yet dat word ‘yori yori’ is so bila sense, at least ‘yoni’ means sumzing in tha Enrich language. I far preferred Nonini’s early "leo ni leo ni, le oleo leo ni," that introd his Wee Kamu bak in oh-three, dat waz ann’a Kenyan kraze.
Then the two naija niggaz came 4 a show in Kenya one rainy nait, the turn out waz low, the media turned on – and, welly welly, Yori Yori waz no mo. Swowy, as some say on FB.
Talkin’ ‘Naijja,’ dya remember the P-Square craze dat lasted most of oh-8? Man/dudette, dat waz nuts!!
Twas like miros chucked from PEV, n poo-oo-oof, P-Square waz juzz the ‘ish’, ‘dish’ n shiznit. They songs waz all o’er the air, n I bet tis the only tyme dat something dat sound like a math formula (Pi Sq) has e’er been popular among the Kinyan masses (other than a few madhafu wonks n nerds, may good Lord-o look wit favor into ya geeky eyes).
P-Square came here, some chickas grabbed dey underwears at the KICC concert square, n they popularity gave way to ‘Obama-mania,’ now dat our ‘son’ had been enDod by the US Demo party to run as prezzie.
So very ‘us.’ Gutz n gals who had been callin’ Obama a ‘junior man from Illinois’ were now makin’ the most pro-Obama noise, n wen he won, we celebrated like hell. Fast-4-ward to tha present, this cat waz wearin’ his ‘Obama’ t-sho two week ago (to celeb da ‘health care’ bill) n someone tole me: "Smitts, dat t-sho is so--- oh-8ish." Ish!
Here, every hero is like maziwa lala. They muzz have a sell-by date unless, like Raila, they juzz refuse to go away. (Kiplagat ‘Mandela’, ma dear, hang onto dat kiti of TJr-warrever like a bandit hangs onto his ngamia in Mandera, wen APs are hot on his shifta heels)!!
N a coupla years back, a rough dude (called Mejja) caught Kinyan imagination when he swang us de song Jana Kuliendaje. N all of us, after kunywaink or anything happenink, were all goan kwani kuliendaje?
N watt about the now saved DNA. He became such an oh-seven bomb dat his success n pressure switched him on to alkie. Imma always sayin’ ‘Yesu isn’t de answer to ya probbies, crucifixion is!’ Be dat as it Mary, in oh-seven, everyone luved goan: "Life ni fupi, na mi sijifungi" so "ba ba black sheep."
Going genge
In between all this, ann’a character seized the miro imajinaytion. His name was non other than Peter Marangi. I reallky hope ‘Dura Coat’ paid the dude some good cheddar, coz Marangi was – n still is – the figure dat pops ta mind wen yu think of paint!
Jua Cali shoont think Makmende has been too kali on him by shadowin’ over his Miaka video, wit tha Viagra. Back in oh-six, our hommie Jua caught us by the head wen he sed everything in life should be?
Kiasi!
Jua Cali ‘moderation’ waz watt waz in our collective imagination, a year after Nonini had brought the word ‘keroro’ back from the dead, inkludin’ an unforgettable video, n lines dat went hii ni ya wale wanaingia bar wanatoka saa sita ya mchana, so if yu wek up in a ditch on Holy Monday after over-celebrating Easter, ‘keroro’ ndio utawika, ah!
In the middle of all these mid-oh-oh Kenyan krazes created by the zizki industry, Collo, Roba n Nyashinski muzz take a bow for the Tuendelee video n song dat like so over-whelmingly conquered Kenyan kiongoz, so much so PNU wanted ta use it as a theme ‘comeback’ song (ne’er mind, de Baks found ann’a way bak ta State House).
Doing remix
Wich reminds me, waz with Jimmi Baks n ‘Simama’ Kenya tryin’ ta re-mix Kenyan themes?? All jiggas belong ta Cecilia Mwangi of Ahadi, n Roundi Hii si mchezo, so if Jimmi Jam wants fresh jam of originality, kaa chini na mimi, tuanzee kuongea ka wazee, heh heh.
Ogidi-up giddy-giddy n his cohort, Majimaji, certainly did well 4 ‘Rainbow’ in oh-two wit their ‘Unbwoggable’ dat waz a solid June-ta-Deck, 02, Kenyan kraxey.
Everytink in this part o the universe was ‘unbwoggable’ at the tyme, n I think this song single-mixedly forced KANU to take a bow (not dat Simeon Nyachaeski cared, he still formed ‘Gwatu Gwengi’ party for kisiis, tee hee).
But ‘Mzee Kibaki’, once he was ensconced in power, had had enuff of Unbwogable, n promptly gave us a new phrase for Kenyans to get crazy about. That is mafi ya kuku. N the other one dat inspired Doobiez ta change his jina to Abbas ‘Kubaff.’
Mfano kwa sentensi? Any MPs who go against CoE draft are kuku ya mafia, n ‘we’ll always go kubaff over de nex makmende-ism’ dat happen in de country.
