Today is Friday the thirteenth, and since I skipped writing on Halloween, here we go folks. I must have eaten a lot of chicken wings as a child, because according to Javanese superstition, that means one will travel overseas – and here we are, in Indonesia. Other superstitions of the Javanese (not to be mistaken with the Japanese) are not sewing shirt buttons on when one is wearing the shirt as this will cause a serious illness, and a single woman should not comb her hair on a Saturday as she will marry a man hard to please.

A lot of people who feature in ‘The Nairobian’ must scratch their heads during sex as this is said to bring slander and scandal. Looking at the sexual organs of one’s lover can bring bad luck for a week (this belief must have been cooked up by a severely under-hang monk).

Many Kenyans must be biting their upper lips as this is said to cause one to always be in debt. Don’t beat your daughter on the buttocks because when she grows up, she will be sexually hyper-active and bring shame to your family. On the other hand, if your periods begin on a Friday, it means you’ll have fun!

But, seriously, superstition must be the hobgoblin of little minds.

Look at all those mostly young people today, spending a lot of time and money to bet on Sports Pesa.

There is a little luck sometimes in life, but mostly, people make their own luck in this life. When you go entering dozens of times in a telephony competition that will only pick ten regional winners, do you as a fortune seeking wannabe ever think – ‘my chance of winning this thing are one in a million?’ It is.

Other wannabes have learnt to walk around with this statement in their head.

‘Me, I was not born lucky in life. There are people born lucky, and others plain unlucky. I am the latter.’ You need to get off that self pity wannabe party, sweety, and create your own luck. Unless your last name is dynastic, if you are Kenyan, you are not as lucky as, say, a resident of Koh Samui in Thailand, which features close-knit communities and spectacular scenery such as street food stalls, hidden Buddhist temples in waterfall jungles fanning out to palm-fringed beaches. Koh Samui is said to be the happiest town on the planet.

Think about it.

Mentally walk down Tom Mboya street on a rainy evening, through bus station, behind St Peter’s Clavers’ puddles and down on to Muthurwa bus station and see how your happiness quotient drops.

Wannabe witch-hunters in Kisii and Kilifi like to say neighbours or relatives are giving them the ‘Evil eye.’ Then they can eliminate them, yet if you look at these supernatural vigilante hunters, they are often embroiled in land disputes with that jirani, or land inheritance rows with the relatives or in-laws.

Courts ought to deal most severely with these witch hunters.

Also, do not waste your time this weekend going to kanisas and churches to pray for luck, like those hypocritical prayer rally politicians who are just doing roll calls there to try and fix their 2017 rivals.

‘Take it to the Lord in prayer’?

The Lord knows your needs so you do not need to voice them. But that wannabe pastor is never going to tell you that you are a lazy bum who adds zero value to the workplace and so will never be promoted. Instead he will take your tithe to tell you he will remove the log of loathing from your boss’s eye, or ‘unsit’ that jealous aunty whose fat bottoms are sitting on the pot of luck the Lord has for you.

I believe, though, that that ex-team doctor of Chelsea FC, Eva Carneiro, went to Rio de Janiero, bought a voodoo doll of Jose Mourinho, and stuck a big pin into it. Otherwise how on earth can one explain Chelsea’s devastatingly dismal form AFTER her dismissal?

Doctor Eva may not know a whole lot about football, as Mourinho raged at her, but now he knows she sure knows deadly witch-doctors.

tonyadamske@gmail.com