The video of a widow being whipped in Kisii went viral and added another blot to the bad rap Abagusii men have been getting online. The three main communities in Western; Abagusii, Luhya and Luo have a near identical culture in regards to widows during burial of the man of the home.
The case in Kisii only came about because the deceased was not a man of means. If he had left some resources to be inherited, that lady would have rushed to ask for soil to throw into the grave. As we castigate the people who whipped her to throw in the soil, lets spare some bile for poverty as well.
You are a widow only if you drop soil on his coffin before the grave is covered up. I have seen several ladies who were not "officially married" by the deceased being led out of the home as the casket leaves the tent for the grave side. Others have sat on the last row in tents anonymously watching their children in the main tent keenly.
The law currently states that a marriage is only valid if it is registered at the office of Registrar of Marriages. As much as this sounds credible, it is a middle class problem. The common man still lives by the tenets of African Common Law bylaws as stipulated by their ethnic community. Marriage can be legalised by several other ways even where the union was not formalised by paying dowry.
The basic one is children, when a union has produced children then there is proof of marriage. The other is a house in the compound; if the man had put up a house for the lady, then she is accepted as a wife. The house belongs to a specific wife. The dowry can be paid later. The other is if the man had ever attended the funeral of the lady's father or mother. This was followed by some attendant rituals. The moment the lady drops the soil in the grave and it is covered, it meant that she can't sever ties with the home. She can remarry but the children she will get from other unions will belong to the home. In short, she will live as the widow of the departed, which one can avoid by not attending the burial altogether.
Change is slow
I don't want to appear to support the barbaric act, not at all. However, if the lady had good counsel in Ekegusii culture, then she should have decided well in advance to approach the funeral as a friend and not a wife. She could not have acted as a wife from the day the man died then show up at the grave side and then remembered that she doesn't want the widow tag on her. Then it was a bit too late in the day to change her mind.
This matter has reminded me of the 1987 ruling by Justice Samuel Bosire in the mater between Virginia Wambui Otieno and Umira Kager Clan and Others. Wambui was against burying her husband S.M. Otieno in Nyalgunga village of Alego. She told the court how Luos are lazy, primitive and their culture is backward. Her husband was an urbane lawyer who did not put up a house in the village and had expressed his wish to be buried in his Matasia farm. His motivation being to protect his wife and children from Luo customs.
In the ruling, Justice Bosire said that it is one thing to disagree with and not abide by a custom and another to call it backward and primitive. He ruled that Wambui was well aware that she was getting married to a Luo. The people of Umira Kager did not force her to marry into their clan. He handed the remains of S.M. Otieno to his wife and brother in-law for burial in Nyalgunga village.
I have always wondered if Justice Bosire would give the same verdict were the case to come before him today. A lot of cultural water has gone under the bridge, but the bridge has remained. That is how the incident mentioned above can still occur and many others that may not be reported.
Culture is more stubborn than dynamic. A custom can be formulated overnight as a result of an occurrence that shakes a community. On the other hand, to change existing cultures take time. People rarely see culture change in their generation even if there is a shift in culture because the change is very slow. Culture will also fight back and push back the changes.
The irony is the rich tend to be exempted from certain aspects of culture. Even as we castigate the negative aspects of cultures, it is also good to make money. Poverty is still the main enemy.
