Wives who are always happy and never broke cheat on their husbands

By HAMZA BABU

KENYA: A regular customer at Kahawa Tungu was too sad last Monday evening to order for his drink audibly.

“Kwani Monday blues zimekusindikiza all the way from work?” a colleague wanted to know from him.

All the other fellows laughed at that.

But Kambare (catfish) only twitched his long whiskers, and his face furrowed even more as he descended deeper into solemnity.

At that point, everybody who knows Kambare’s legendary zest and vigour could tell that something was terribly wrong with him.

“Maybe his lovely wife has been diagnosed with cancer or a terrible situation is threatening our friend’s life,” suggested Omari, the know-it-all.

Since all the regulars at Kahawa Tungu treat each other as a family, we decided to lend our support no matter what.

So after prompting the guy, he shocked the house with the revelation that he is troubled by a logic defying paradox, which he has tried to investigate to no avail.

“For some time now, I have noticed that no matter how broke I am, Swabra always manages to serve a dinner fit for a king. Is that not a sign that I have a mume mwenza (co husband)?” he wondered.

A few fellows looked pale while others smiled as though they are used to this kind of scenarios.

“Relax Baba Imran, that only means that your wife is good at saving money,” commented Ali.

But we all know that Ali is cousin to Swabra and therefore the possibility of him covering the shame of his sister was very real.

“Buda (you guy), don’t be cheated, ‘mwalishwa sahani moja’ (your wife is cheating on you). And from what you have said, the third partner in the manage-a-trois (three-some) that is your marriage is likely richer than you. They are therefore hoping you will divorce her so the two can get married. Watch out,” claimed Shafi, a prophet of doom.

We all rebuked Shafi for taking the liberty to slander a woman who for all intents and purposes might be a God-fearing wife.

But Kambare took Shafi’s words seriously and no matter what we said, he looked blank as though his entire family had been wiped out by the plague.

In spite of this, the debate raged on, with someone admitting that their wives are so enterprising that they are hardly ever asked for housekeeping money and yet the household is never lacking in anything.

“Grow up man. If your wife has money and you are not the one giving her, then someone surely is financing her,” he was told, adding misery to the original case.

By the time we were through, the consensus was that all men must ensure that if their women are not living within their means, they should be investigated.

You could tell that everyone was in a hurry to get home and reconcile accounts of their domestic finances so that they could determine the chastity level of their wives.

I can’t wait for tomorrow when we discuss the findings.