By HAMZA BABU
KENYA: A casanova has had his operation busted. The fellow is a serial womaniser who has never worked for a living his entire life. But since our side of the clouds is littered with lonely women, some with husbands slaving away in Saudi for two years or more, his services are in high demand.
He warms into their hearts with romantic lyrics of the late Shaaban Robert and ends up in their handbags, spending liberally the contents of petrol dollars sent home by the absentee husband.
This fellow happens to be one of my loyal customers as he obviously requires the aphrodisiac quality of Kahawa Tungu to fulfill his mandate with other peoples wives.
Rumour was rife that Muhiddin, a husband whose wife has been entertaining Habib (the casanova) had the previous night jetted into the country and everyone knew that fireworks would fly.
For who in his right mind would keep a woman who has been having a not so secret affair and keep his reputation.
At the very least, Muhiddin would divorce his wife as publicly as she had humiliated him.
It happened that as we were busy shooting the breeze at Kahawa Tungu with the usual crowd, Muhiddin made an entry into the coffee house.
“Assallam Aleikum, Jamaa,” he greeted before taking a seat smack in front of his rival Habib and ordering a cup of Kahawa Tungu.
After exchanging pleasantries and announcing that he would be returning to the gulf as soon as he was done squishing a ‘certain cockroach’, which has been crawling upon his wife while he was away.
Disappoint
Obviously that was a declaration of war. And with the first salvo already fired, Casanova picked the challenge and did not disappoint.
“Cockroaches only infest dirty homes and are never esteemed guests of the wife,” he said unapologetically.
At that announcement, which was akin to admission of guilt, I bet the Kahawa Tungu in some of my customer’s mouths tasted like liquid manure and we expected a murder to be committed right in front of us.
“For your information, I have already divorced that prostitute so the pest that has been living off her might as well starve,” he said with a sadistic grin. “Am sure beauty is happy to be liberated and will never miss the beast,” retorted his nemesis.
Idiots
Drama between the two continued with the rest of the customers unable to decide whom to support. That is when Almasy, an old geezer who claims to have seen it all, declared that both guys were idiots.
“If a man steals your wife, chop off his member!” he declared.
People almost choked on their Kahawa Tungu in the guffaws that ensued.
Everyone agreed with him that the two were rather strange and had carry on their fight elsewhere as the rest of the members wanted to enjoy their Kahawa Tungu in peace. See you clowns tomorrow,” I told them as I prepared to close.
