It starts with flirtation. A sweet DM, compliment that hits just the right note, a charming smile from a younger man who seems genuinely captivated.

For many older women—emotionally seasoned, financially independent, and sometimes lonely—the attention feels like a refreshing breeze. But beneath the surface of some of these “May-December” romances, a darker trend is emerging: a disturbing wave of manipulation, theft, and betrayal by younger men who see these women not as lovers, but as stepping stones to easy cash.

Welcome to the world of Kenya’s “Ben 10” con. A world where love is weaponised and trust is key.

In 2003, Peter Mbugua, a 25-year-old stone mason, shocked the country when he married Wambui Otieno, a 67-year-old widow. Their union drew equal scorn and fascination.

Two decades later, such relationships, older women with younger men, are no longer rare, but society still reacts with unease. In pop culture, this phenomenon is labelled with words like cougar, Ben 10, and toyboy, often with more judgment than understanding.

Yet for some women, the relationship becomes far from humorous or glamorous, it turns criminal.

Just recently, an alarming post appeared on popular Facebook whistleblower Martha Hinga’s page. A 52-year-old woman living in Nairobi, financially comfortable and seemingly content, shared her heartbreak and horror. Her story was raw, humiliating, and all too familiar.

“I am a 52 years old woman who is financially stable,” her message began. “The person whose photo appears herein is my ex-boyfriend. His name is Patrick Mutuma and is 29 years old from Tigania, Meru.”

For two years, she had lived with Mutuma. She paid the bills. She catered to his every need. And in return? “Bed service ilikuwa sawa kabisa (He was extremely good in bed),” she admitted bluntly, revealing the physical gratification that likely blinded her to the red flags.

But one morning, she woke to find him gone, leaving behind chaos. He had allegedly stolen her Samsung Fold 5G phone, ATM card, and important personal documents.

Worse still, he attempted to empty her account. While the bank managed to halt the suspicious activity in time, Mutuma still made away with Sh30,000.

What if she had not been lucky? “Over Sh27 million zangu zingekuwa zimepotea (I could have lost Sh27 million),” she further posted in anguish, noting that she had kept her bank SIM card in a separate burner phone he didn’t find.

Martha is now warning women in similar situation, not to reveal everything to their younger lovers whom she labels as thugs.

The serial scammer next door

This was not an isolated case. In another eerily parallel story, 30-year-old Sharon Chirry, a geospatial engineer, found herself hoodwinked by a seemingly kind and domesticated man named Paxton Wanyoike.

Paxton, then jobless, moved into Sharon’s home and took on household chores with unusual enthusiasm. He cooked, cleaned, and played the role of the doting partner to perfection. He even convinced her to take a Sh250,000 bank loan to buy a laptop and gain access to a writing account he claimed would elevate their lives.

“I trusted him. We were in love—or so I thought,” Sharon said. “He sent me photos of the laptop, told me he was finalizing the deal. Then he vanished.”

Months later, another woman posted online about being duped by the same man. Lavender Akinyi, like Sharon, had believed Paxton was her partner. He left her with nothing but heartbreak and missing belongings.

“I’ve looked for him all over Nairobi,” Lavender lamented. “But he disappeared without a trace.”

Cases like these reveal a common script. The male con artist—young, jobless, but street-smart—targeting working or financially stable older women. He appeals to their loneliness, flatters them and quickly settles into their homes. Once inside, he plays the part: cooking, cleaning, and being emotionally present.

By the time the women realise they have been conned, their money is gone and so is the man.

 When it works

Dr Ratika Pai, a psychologist who has studied intergenerational relationships, says such pairings are not inherently toxic. In fact, many are healthy and mutually respectful.

“Older women often seek out younger partners for their vitality, emotional openness, and fresh perspective. There’s often less emotional baggage and more flexibility,” she explains.

But these positive dynamics are what make it so easy for bad actors to exploit.                                            

Not all relationships between older women and younger men are doomed. Some defy the odds and societal scrutiny.

Media personality Betty Kyallo, 36, has made no secret of her romance with 20-something music producer Charlie Jones. She frequently gushes over him on social media, celebrating his energy, style, and support.

On his birthday, Betty wrote: “You’re a wonderful man. A partner who’s ever so loving and helpful… I love that gangsta accent of yours.”

Despite the jabs from critics, Betty’s public declarations signal a genuine emotional connection. And then there is the enduring love story of gospel singer Guardian Angel, 36, and his wife Esther Musila, 55.

Married since 2022, they have weathered public ridicule and emerged stronger. Their relationship rooted in shared values and deep faith—proves that age-gap love can thrive with honesty and maturity.

A widening gap and economic realities

According to the 2019 Kenya Population and Housing Census analytical report on gender dimensions, Kenya’s labour landscape presents a complex picture of progress and persistent gaps.

At the time of the census, the economically active population stood at 22.3 million. Of this number, 19.7 million were employed, while 2.6 million were actively seeking work. Women made up a slight majority of the working population at 50.2 per cent, reflecting their growing role in the country’s economy.

However, disparities emerged when examining urban employment. While 50.4 per cent of men in urban areas reported having worked, only 40.6 per cent of women did the same—highlighting ongoing challenges for urban female participation in the labour market.

Meanwhile, 18.9 million Kenyans were classified as being outside the labour force during the reference period.

Youth accounted for a significant segment of the workforce. Among those aged 18 to 34, 10.1 million were part of the labour force, with 4.1 million aged between 15 and 24. Interestingly, among the youngest working group (15–24 years), women made up 52.1 per cent, slightly outnumbering their male counterparts. This trend continued among youth aged 15–34, where women still led at 51.4 per cent.

The report also explored marital patterns and their evolution with age, revealing distinct gendered trends. Separation was more prevalent among women aged 35–39, with 5.2 per cent reporting separation compared to 3.8 per cent of men in the same age group.

A steady decline in the proportion of never-married individuals was observed across older age brackets, though women consistently remained more likely than men to have never married. Among those aged 40–44, 10.2 per cent of women had never married compared to 9.0 per cent of men.

This gap widened in subsequent age groups—9.3 per cent of women versus 6.5 per cent of men aged 45–49; 8.5 per cent versus 5.1 per cent among 50–54-year-olds; and 7.0 per cent versus 3.9 per cent between the ages of 55 and 59.

The most pronounced gender difference, however, emerged among the elderly. Among Kenyans aged 60 and above, a staggering 38.1 per cent of women were widowed, compared to just 6.9 per cent of men—underscoring not only women’s longer life expectancy but also the often solitary reality they face in old age.

Why the Ben 10 Trap persists

So why do so many smart, successful women fall for these traps?

The answer is complex. In a society that often treats older women as invisible or undesirable, being adored by a younger man can feel affirming—even intoxicating. And many of these men know exactly what to say, how to behave, and when to strike.

“Women over 45 are often isolated by both the workplace and their communities,” says Nairobi-based relationship coach Beatrice Murugi. “A younger man offering attention, affection, and intimacy can be incredibly persuasive.”

Unfortunately, predators have learned to weaponise that desire.

It is easy to laugh at or ridicule these stories, but the truth is sobering. These are not just “Ben 10” tales—they are stories of abuse, theft, and emotional trauma. And they are increasing.

Instead of shaming older women who fall victim, society must address the root issues: economic loneliness, gender dynamics, and financial vulnerability.

Women in these relationships should be encouraged to set boundaries, conduct background checks, and avoid entangling finances too quickly. More importantly, public platforms should highlight these warning signs not mock the victims.

As for the predators, the law must catch up. These are not love affairs gone sour, they are calculated cons. And the men behind them are not lovers; they are criminals.

In the case of Martha, the 52-year-old woman who lost Sh30,000 and nearly Sh27 million is still looking for justice. She is even offering a reward of Sh10,000 for information on Mutuma. For her, the romance wasn’t just a mistake—it was a life-altering betrayal.

Her message to others is clear: “Don’t let love blind you. These men are wolves in boyfriend clothing.”

According to Dr Paul Njogu a psycho-sociologist working in Nairobi, the increasing reports of older women being exploited by younger male partners reflect deeper societal, economic, and gender dynamics at play in modern Kenya.

 “While these relationships are not inherently problematic, their growing manipulation and criminal undertones point to a disturbing trend; the commodification of love and the weaponisation of emotional vulnerability,” he says.

Dr Njogu points out that in a patriarchal society where older women are often overlooked romantically and socially, the attention of a younger man can feel validating.

“This emotional hunger, coupled with financial independence, creates fertile ground for predatory individuals to infiltrate and exploit. Many of these women have spent their lives nurturing others—raising children, supporting families, building careers—and they now seek companionship in their later years,” he explains.