Raising teens does not have to be hell on earth

Anyone who has successfully raised a teenager to adulthood deserves a straight ticket to heaven. That is because they have already been to hell and back! So, goes the punchline of many a speech by your favourite toastmaster. And while the ensuing laughter may be gay and convivial, the subject of teenage behaviour, to some parents, conjures pictures of sullenness, resentment and rebellion akin to that of Hades itself.

The issue of the upbringing of teenagers is germane to current national discourse, not least of all, because of the behaviour of students of Ambira High School in Siaya County.

The eight boys were captured on camera hurling insults at two Cabinet Secretaries whilst confessing to have cheated in the just concluded national examinations.

Although the Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions (ODPP) dropped charges against the students, they cannot escape responsibility for their reprehensible behaviour. The society, too, must be censured for allowing the proliferation of reprobates.

Empty slates

Philosophers, from the days of Aristotle and John Locke, to the present, believe that children are born “tabula rasa,” (Latin for empty slates). Society then fills these slates with the body of knowledge that equips them to live harmoniously with the world and humanity. Failure of any child is therefore a failure of society.

In an environment that is as ethically and morally fraught as Kenya’s today, it is hardly surprising that society is failing. For starters, parents no longer seem to have time for children.

Whether it is as a result of preoccupation with the search for transient riches or just downright inability to take up responsibility, children are now being carted off to boarding schools at increasingly early ages.

As such, the people who should ordinarily exert positive influence on nascent minds cede that responsibility to teachers and other caregivers.

The risk is then run of other malevolent actors having strong negative influences that manifest as indiscipline.  Further, the lineaments of life in most public boarding schools cut the image of a hellish existence. Overcrowding in dormitories, inadequate ablution facilities and the poor food served that pass for meals, is enough to bring out the devil in the gentlest of souls.

Second, the escalation of hostilities after every national election has helped to foment wayward behaviour in teens.  Sour losers recourse to vituperation whilst winners are seldom magnanimous in victory. Civility is thrown out of the window and language degenerates to that of the gutter.

If tales of cheating in examinations abound, it is because they are spurred by talk of “stolen” elections and wanton theft by public servants so that it seems the only way to get ahead in life is by larceny. The bravura of the Ambira eight was intended to elevate them to heroic status among their peers. After all, thieves in Kenya routinely find their way to leadership positions.

Role models

The issues exposed by this saga need to find resolution. First, the calibre of teachers must never be compromised. For many children, teachers are their primary role models and must be carefully curated to nurture only the best attributes in teens.

Second, the sort of duplicity that sees deviant national leaders escape censure should be done away with.

Leaders who engaged in hate speech and theft should be subjected to the same swift retributive justice as the Ambira Eight.

Third, leaders need to learn that respect is earned, not demanded. The thinking that calls for deference to authority based on age alone is ossified.

Earning respect entails trust; trust that leaders will deliver on promises; that they will not steal elections or national resources and that they will conduct themselves with the decorum.

Lastly, there should be a lasting approach towards issues of the youth that abjures the bare-knuckled Ambira eight approach.

Whilst the approach may serve its immediacy in curbing present excesses, going after the youth hammer and tongs only fuels resentment in the long-term.

The youth are pillars of future society. Eviscerating their dreams on the altar of short-lived youthful folly may result in the Samsonian option of bringing down the house and taking out the entire society.

Mr Khafafa is the Vice Chairman, Kenya-Turkey Business Council