I don't like pulling the trigger on women. Instead, I prefer blowing them kisses. However, I’ll make an exception this once.

First on the chopping board are women with poor borrowing culture. When you lend them an item, it takes the combined intervention of Interpol and Global Positioning Satellite (GPS) device to track it down. It takes a shouting match for such types to pay a debt. They lose your autographed souvenir book and go like, "Oh, my gosh! Aki woiye I'm so sorry". Sorry ni wewe!

Then there's this others you take out for a live concert. And without an ounce of shame, start shouting celeb of the night's name and expressing undying love for them while — get this — firmly perched atop your shoulders. What cheek! Alternatively, you pay her entry fee to an overpriced extravaganza, only for her to vanish and keep making timed technical appearances, demanding for a drink. Parasites!

Hi whiners and gossips? Any latest rumour? Anyway, forget it! Such types are always complaining and backbiting not just anybody but their so-called best friends for life (BFFs). You need tremendous willpower to suppress yawns when listening to such whiners. Come on miss jealous. Stop sneering at those dressed better than you, the light skinned, cuter, or those with expensive hairstyles. Shall you?

Girls, in this hard economic times, no man wants you to show up on his date with a bunch of thirsty and hungry support team. Because it is such characters who, despite being weaned on local beer brands, asks for the most expensive, exotic foreign drinks — just because the man said 'feel free to order for anything you want'. They abuse men's generosity and order for foods that cost an arm and a leg, which, annoyingly, they toy with and only eat salads — of course, leaving their benefactors seething with rage.

Hi miss freebies. You're good? Cool. Good lord, didn't your mother teach you men hate needy women? This woman likes free things. Free tickets, free drinks, free rides. Free! Free! Free! You would be forgiven for thinking 'Free' is her middle name because if you shouted 'free' in a crowded place, chances are she will look over, thinking you've called her out. Girls, listen and listen Good. Free things always haunt. Spend your cash. That, after all, is what equality —which you always shout about from rooftops — is all about. Remember, there's no such thing as free lunch.

Then we have the annoying party pooper who interrupts sporting moments. Look, your ever-under-siege Arsenal FC is trailing Manchester United and she goes like, "Aww that Manchester dude is so cute". Enough of blanket condemnation of men. Just because one man cheated on you, don't call all men dogs. There are many nice guys out there, just don't ask me where to find them. Go figure!

Playing hard to get is so out of vogue. Men have no time to decode those mixed signals. It's either a yes or no — pronto. Last but not least, girls, must you copy dress? Currently, almost every woman in Nairobi owns this bandage-like skirt with black and white stripes. Could that, by any chance, be Kenyans national dress? I must have missed the memo. Others, who, when Mary Quant invented the mini skirt didn't have them in mind, but insist on putting on the garment. You see such and can't help but gasp, "I can do better in a skirt than her!" Just saying, girls.