Men are visual beings, having said that, things, items or human beings which tickle their fancy usually bring about a common reaction. The top common objects of their desire are ladies and cars but let’s go with ladies for relevance.
When he lays his eyes on her, probably picks her out from the crowd, his heart skips a beat and at that very moment he takes in all her beauty in one swipe.
Once he recovers from the trance, blood flows back into his heart and he comes back to life. His heart pounds against his chest and the only thing ringing in his mind is he has to get that girl.
The little voice inside his head tells him, ‘You are the man, You can get whatever you want; and right now THAT is what you want, go get it!’. So he musters all the courage in the world and shakes his shoulders, as if to shake off every ounce of fear. Women can smell fear and we don’t want that do we?
He strokes his beard and wonders whether she will like it, straightens his shirt and adjusts his posture, kifua mbele; because ladies like a tall, broad chested man. Then he advances towards the target, with a walking style formulated for these occasions. Slow and calculated, the kind that tells the lady, ‘I’m coming for you’.
The walk has been figured out and confidence is overflowing, the only thing left is what he is going to say. He wonders if he should start with appreciating her eyes or her smile, but it is hard to figure out because every part of her body is worth appreciation, some more than others. In the end he settles for something like her hairstyle, shoes or the way she answered a question in class because, it would be rude if he rushed straight into it.
It is an enter-and-exit plan that according to him is sure to succeed, his charm or lack of it notwithstanding. He moves towards the lady who is scrolling through some pages on her phone with those long fingers he can’t take his eyes off and works his ‘magic’ then crosses his fingers and prays it goes well.
His friends watching from a distance are surprised when they see her laugh. Deep inside they wonder what he could have said because truth be told, he has the lamest jokes. They are more surprised when he walks back with a bright face waving his phone at them. He got a number. (Note the use of ‘a’). They pat him on the back and call him ‘The Man’.
He keeps from texting or calling her too soon because she said something like being offline for a while plus he does not want to come across as desperate. When he gets back home in the evening he decides to call her because she must have switched on her phone by now. He clears his throat and a coy smile plays on his mouth as it rings.
After three rings his call is answered, but it is not quite what he expected, it is not even in the range of anything he expected. It is a husky male voice on the other end, and before he enquires on the whereabouts of his newfound love and why another man picked her call, the voice asks how he can be of help as he is the great Mganga Mbeti Mketi who can help with broken hearts, impotence, restoring businesses and all those other things waganga kutoka Tanga offer.
He can’t believe his ears, everything mganga is saying suddenly becomes fuzzy as his ears are clouded with confusion, humiliation and a tint of anger. For a moment he considers jumping on Mganga’s offer of healing broken hearts but he hangs up instead.
For the next few minutes he goes dead in the eyes and slowly by slowly he unearths the lady for who she really is. He consoles himself saying, her nose was big and her knees knocked, anyway and just like that he forgets. Not completely though, one day he will have enough courage to tell it to his buddies and they will have a good laugh about it, but for now he stays mum and wonders where he went wrong.
That is the plight of men in the world over. Rejection, whether through an outright show of the hand or a sneer, I imagine how tough it must be on them. Anyway, that is the circle of life, the same way ladies kiss several frogs before finding the one, men too have to swim through the murky waters of rejection before they find their one true love.
